Healing Trauma Through Faith: How to Reclaim Identity and Hope

Hello friend and welcome back. It's me Diana, your licensed therapist and integrative mental health provider here to hold space for healing faith and the beautifully messy journey of becoming whole. Before we begin today's powerful episode with my guest Rebecca Medina Stewart, I want to give you a gentle heads up.

In this conversation, we explore some deeply sensitive topics, including sexual assault, suicidal thoughts, trauma, and faith-based wounds. These topics are not intended for little ears. So, if you're around children, or in a public space, please pop in your headphones or listen when you can be alone.

And if you're currently walking through your own healing journey, take your time. Breathe. Pause when needed. As always, we've included trusted support resources in the show notes. If you or someone you love needs help, you are not alone. Thank you for being here, and I pray this episode encourages you and reminds you that no matter where you are, there is purpose.

Welcome fearfully and wonderfully made human to the holistic counselor podcast. It's me Diana from Through the Valley Therapy and Transform Mind Consulting and Coaching where we hold space for healing faith and the beautifully messy journey of becoming whole. Today's guest is someone I've seen shining in our city for years.

Every time I've run into Rebecca Medina Stewart at local events, she's carried this steady joy, a quiet strength, and the kind of faith you don't have to announce. It just radiates. I had no idea we shared not just a city, but a savior.

And when I discovered she had written a book, I knew we had to talk. Rebecca is a former journalist, an Emmy Award nominee, and today she's joining us as the author of Scene: Experiencing God's Tenderness After Brokenness. Her story is raw, real, and deeply redemptive.

She survived a sexual assault during college and walked through nearly two decades of shame, depression, and suicidal thoughts. But then God met her tenderly, powerfully, and that encounter transformed everything. Now she's using her voice to help others see what she finally came to believe.

You are seen. You are loved. And you are never beyond healing. This conversation is for the weary, the wounded, and the ones who've wondered if they still matter. Rebecca, thank you so much for being here. We're not even out of the gate and I feel like I'm gonna cry.

Well, listen, it's okay. That's a release. That's your central nervous system regulating. What a beautiful welcome. Thank you so much for having me, Diana. Yeah, of course. I I'm so excited for this conversation because it's honestly when I see you at these city events and for those that are worldwide, uh we live in the Well, I live Do you live in the city of Derfield?

live outside the city of Derville. Okay. But she works at the city so she represents well, you know, and so I go to a lot of events in the city of Derville Beach and I see her all the time and it was just you could just tell like you just have a love for humans and and you're really I mean and I've seen you like in some big events.

What do what actually do you do for the city? So for the city I run the marketing and communications department. public affairs and marketing, you know, is the is the name, if you will. So, I handle all communications, media relations, and other. Okay.

Yeah. And she's so good at it, let me tell you, because I've seen people, you know, when you dealing with humans, you have, you kind of probably do what I do, but I'm licensed. Yes. Yes. I have to be much more diplomatic. Yes.

Exactly. Exactly. Right. Oh, wow. All right. So, but you're here as an author of your book because that to me is what what the listeners need really really need to hear. Um, so tell me for those that are new to your story, can you introduce yourself and share what led you to write this book?

Absolutely. Absolutely. So, I grew up in a very uh very strict Latin um religious environment and but the but I I always have to preface this, right? because and and I I know that you've heard a lot of these stories before. The religious environment that I grew up in was um an environment that focused much more on the the wrath and the punishment of God than the love and the grace and the mercy of God.

So my ideas growing up of who God is were very unhealthy. I I only saw a God who was waiting for me to screw up so he could punish me and hit me over the head, you know. And so that's sort of this wrestling that I had most of my life with God.

So I remember at 18 when I was graduating from high school, I literally said the words, "I will never set foot in a church again." Wow. I I said those words. Well, me, I was more of a, "Well, I'm going to hell anyway, so let me go enjoy everything in the world."

That was my my mindset and that's a and I wasn't like you were raised probably in a high controlled environment probably me I was more you know ca and people know my story and I always repeat it but you I was raised Catholic but not a strong Catholic and in at home there was some other stuff going on and and so yeah I get it like you have these thoughts and those are the old narratives and that's okay keep going girl.

Yes. So I I grew up in that environment. So it's important for me to mention that because when I did go away to school, I was in my second semester of my freshman year in college. I was very new. I had all this newfound freedom.

I was really putting myself in some really unhealthy environments, Diana, because I was free for the first time in my life. I was away from this controlled environment. I was away from God also. And so I was in my mind, I'm thinking, I'm free.

I'm living my best life. No one can tell me what to do. This is what I'm doing. I had all the worst friends. I had the the worst habits. I was drinking. I was around people who were doing drugs. I mean, you name it.

And this is my first year of college. And I'm on a full scholarship at a at a very, very popular Florida school. Wow. And so, here I am. I'm doing all this and then boom, second semester hits. I go off to a party one night with a girlfriend who drove me there.

Midway through the night, she asked me if I could hit if I could grab a ride with a mutual acquaintance of ours. No one I knew very well at all. And she asked me if if we could do that so that she could have some privacy uh with her boyfriend cuz she was arguing with her boyfriend at the time.

And so I didn't even hesitate. This is what you did at that age, right? This is what Rebecca trusted everyone, you know, and this is this is a something that it's not new under the sun because I'm telling you, I have clients that come with that exact situation and it rocks their world to a point of go on 100%.

You go from this naive, you know, carefree, living her best life, um, trusting the whole world, trusting the world, you know, young woman. And you be you, you literally you go through this terror and it really truly just was a night of terror.

And you go through this terror and you come out on the other side of this and you survive it, but you are completely shell shocked and PTSD. It's PTSD. No, this is what some of my clients come in and I'm getting emotional because I'm seeing the faces of these women that come into my office.

Rebecca, I am so sorry that happened to you because now now I'm getting all angry because I'm like, who did it? Who did it? I'm going to go after him. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Flesh. That's the my ego and flesh. And I'm like, wait, that's my girl.

That's my friend. What are you doing? All right. Sorry. Go on. Oh, no. Diana, listen. I've had so many moments like that, you know, and so I here I am. I'm I'm 18 years old and, you know, I'm in a very, you know, I go back cuz I had to I this all led me to drop out.

I I failed and dropped out of school and lost every scholarship that I had earned up up till then. And it took me and I say I always say I call it the rabbit hole. When I left that when I when I left the the naive and the innocence of my life for the most part, you know, I entered into what I call the rabbit hole.

Yeah. because it was a deep, dark, long road in in a space of such brokenness that it's even to this day the kind of brokenness that I lived in for so long is almost even hard to describe and put into words because it was just such a place of of dark dwelling.

Yeah. It's called the dark night of the soul. Like I mean this is you know there's different uh ways of of talking about this right but that's the easiest way for some of my clients for me to say I'm like yeah and and let I mean how what what do you think you needed at that time when you were that age and this just happened because this is this is back then this was a while ago you don't have the resources that you have right now.

Correct. Correct. So, so what was it that you felt you needed at that time to get out of now looking back now that you've risen from the ashes? Yes. Yes. That is such a great question. What I needed at that time, what I needed immediately, immediately was absolute comfort and an invitation into a safe space where I could communicate openly, freely what had happened to me.

Yeah. Because in that time, this this happened in this happened to me in 1992. Yeah. And when this happened, when this happened, this was before the Me Too movement. This was before all of this, right? And so I remember the university that I went to at the time, they just wanted me off the campus.

They wanted me gone as quickly as I reported it to the to the administration. So, you did report it? I did report it because some don't. Yes. Some report. They think it's their fault. And it was there. And it was there. But I was surrounded by a group of girls.

I was surrounded by a group of girls who absolutely made it possible for me to do that. And I'm so grateful to them to this day. But they literally walked me through that and and told me, "Listen, you need to do this. You can't let this just sit.

You can't let this person get away with this." No. And so I did. I reported it to the university. Long story short, they found out that this individual was not only never a university student, but they had been posing as a university student in and and living on campus and everything with a fake ID for years.

And he was he was he was quite a bit older than the average university student at the time. And so this Yes. And I think that looking back at it now, I think that they kind of knew that this was trouble. And so they immediately had me contact my parents and they recommended and advised me that I to go home, that I should go home.

Not to counseling. Not to counseling. Not Not to the police. No. Did you ever press charges? We did. We get We did. Yes, we did. I Okay. Because to me, I I'm a little bit of a justice person. Me too. Me too. But but you know like you know that there's individuals out there that are able.

Hello. Oh no. I think we got too excited. Rebecca, where'd you go? Hello. Hello. Uhoh. Sorry listener. I don't know what happened, but I she she just disappeared. Anyway, oh my goodness. As you're hearing her story, I could just imagine for some Oh, here she comes.

Oh, hello. Hey there. I am so sorry. I had a power hit over here. Oh my Well, that's really Yes, I had a power hit here. Let me turn this back around, too. I apologize. No, it's not your fault. Listen, we're doing This has never happened to me before.

It's It's You know what it is? It's I got way too excited and my electrical cur No, I'm just kidding. I don't have that power. But but sometimes No, sometimes you got to think like we're all electrical. For sure. This has never happened before.

Oh, I Well, whatever. I have an ed I have an editor. We'll see if he cuts it out or or or we just keep it raw and real like I'm I'm about being raw and real. So, I was talking the whole time going I hope she comes back.

Oh, Rebecca. Anyway, I mean, listen, I know we are able to laugh now. Yes. Like because like we know who our Lord is. We know what um healing is. We know what But those that are listening right now, this could I might have to do a trigger warning in the beginning of this because that there it's still happening.

These things are still happening. Yes. And and and it's so hard. It's a hard place because you got to think about an 18-year-old, they think they're grown, but they're really not. And you know, their brain's not even fully developed, but they're especially when they come, if they were in, I hate to say into that Christian bubble.

Um, I see it because you got homeschoolers that come to me and those that, you know, go to Christian colleges and and it's not only Christianity. I mean, there's other um bubbles, too. Yes. Yes. And and I know that parents are trying to do the best they can with the knowledge they know and the resources they have and many many fear.

So they they shelter their kid. And when I was raising my kids, I was trying to filter them because I I didn't become a Christian till I was 29. And I know how that world out there is. So I'm like, "All right, Lord, teach me what I need to teach them that they when they go and out into that world, they're able to handle it because let me tell you, they'll eat this world will eat you alive."

Yes, it will. Yes, it will, Diana. Yes, it will. The The world is a really ugly place a at most of the time. Right. And and as an 18-year-old girl, having come out of this experience, I was not prepared for everything that followed.

I was not I wasn't even prepared when I look back. I wasn't even prepared to be on my own yet. Yeah. I was not even ready for that. I wasn't prepared for that. Uh it's not it's not a conversation that I sat around the table with my parents and had, you know, and discussed.

They didn't teach me how to budget. They didn't teach. Listen, my parents, God bless them, they put food on our table, a roof over our heads, and and they did the best with with what they knew. Yes. Exactly. And so I've I've been able to give my parents a whole lot of grace, you know, because they really truly tried their hardest.

And even walking through this with me, they didn't know how to do that either, right? They didn't know the how to and and so I grew up always understanding that whatever I needed, whatever I wanted, I had to figure that out. Yeah. And but this thing this this specific thing that happened to me, this was not one of those things that I could just so easily figure out.

No. And so I ended up going down a road that was very painful, very long, and and just brutal and brutal. And after nearly two decades, which you mentioned at the at the beginning of this podcast, after nearly two decades, I was at a point where now suicidal thoughts were happening.

Yeah. Now I was thinking about this more. Now I was starting to settle into this idea that this world would be better off without me. My family would be better off without me. You know, that I was just a burden on people. that I had become nothing but a problem and and that my drama and that my my issues and and the things that I just couldn't figure out that I would be better off gone.

Oh man. And that's that's such a big lie. It is a lie. That's such a big big lie. And that's and and what you just said I have heard numerous times over and over and over for all the times I've worked with adolescents.

Yeah. And even the adults, right? And that's the thing like I'm wondering how did you finally get out of that? Yeah, that's a great question. That's a great question. So I mentioned the thoughts. the thoughts were coming and it went I went from having maybe a thought, you know, of of hurting myself here and there to having regular thoughts.

And it was when the regular thoughts started happening that I thought to myself that I finally said to myself, "This is dangerous. Yes, this is dangerous. This is not good. If I don't change something now, I'm probably going to hurt myself. And I and I I honestly believe today that that was God.

That was that was that was the prayers of the saints that were covering me because the Lord knows I was not praying for myself at the time. Yeah. I wasn't praying at all. Yeah. But I do know that I have a prayerful mom and that woman prayed and prayed and prayed over me.

And I believe today that it was those prayers that led me to that thought. And it led me to finally after four years of being away from home and doing my own thing and trying to figure it out, I finally came back home.

Wow. I came back home. I moved back in with my parents. I I got into some counseling and some therapy. Um and and little by little, I was starting to get better. I became functional. I still had not found Christ really, right? But I was becoming more functional.

I left home after that and the up and down started, right? I would be great for a few months. I wouldn't have an episode for a few months and then the episode would happen. The dark cloud would appear and I'd be back in a funk again on the couch, blinds drawn, darkness all over the house.

I didn't like the lights on and I'd be there for days like that. Yeah. No. And and so can I ask you about the counseling experience a little? Absolutely. So, um, with your counseling, were you diagnosed with like depression or PTSD or what were you diag?

Depression, PTSD. Okay. And what was the modality that they were using? Do you remember? Oh gosh, I don't remember. I don't remember. It was so long ago, but I do I can tell you that for a very short very short period of time, they did put me on anti-depressants.

Okay. And that's okay because listen not it I mean you listen I people know like medication has its place. It should be the last resort and not the first but it is needed sometimes to get you out of a place of darkness you know but you have to understand that there's more work to do.

Right. And and that's really key. There is more work to do. It doesn't end just because you begin your symptoms start to to feel less heavy on you. Right. Yes. you still have to do work. And and I I didn't really truly understand that.

And so here I'm thinking, okay, gone through the therapy for I did a stint in therapy. I'm good now. I'm all better. And and that was all I needed cuz for me it was all about getting back to chasing my career, my ambitions, and the things that that made me feel worthy at the time, you know?

And so I dove back into that world, chased my career, did all that. And I had a really successful news career for for many years. And but I was never well. And that that's really important for people to understand that when you see someone who looks like they have it all together, don't be fooled.

And don't judge. And don't judge. And don't judge. Right. We don't know other people's story. and and many of us and then with social media I mean thank goodness social media wasn't back then. Thank God. Thank God is right. Yes. Seriously. Wow. So from that point you know you went through this journey in journalism you know writing and um did you journal like journal everything or how how did that work for you?

Yes. So that's that this is so interesting. So, I had been that little girl that had kept a diary with a locking key under her pillow. Wow. And that was that was me from the time that I that I was that I could even remember writing, you know.

Um, and so that was me my most of my life. But I got to a point especially um especially just before the assault happened where all that stopped Diana. Mhm. Everything the the talents and the gifts that I know God gave me, the things that I that were that would be that God was using and bringing out of me.

The thing that I used even and made a career out of, you know, it was the very thing that I was staying away from at the time. Journaling, I believe, was so personal and was so um intimate, right, that I wanted to avoid even that too.

I didn't want to talk about that. I didn't want to talk about the things that really were in my heart or in my spirit. I didn't want to put those to paper. And I was even very afraid that if I did do that, that at some point somebody would read that.

And I would be ashamed. Okay, let's go there for a second because to me like journaling and you're right like and I hear you know why I'm I'm saying that because I have probably a handful of clients who used to be really into the art art like because that's the way they were processing their trauma and and then all of a sudden they're don't want to touch it anymore.

What do you think that is going on inside of you at that time? Like what is happening? What do you think? That's a great question.

That's a great question. when you are for me art art is an act of worship art is an act of worship whether it's writing whether it's singing whether it's playing an instrument whether it's painting all those things I truly believe are an act of worship and we know when your soul is broken when your soul is hurting more often than not the last thing you want to do is worship.

Wow. And so when your soul is crying, when your soul is burdened, when your soul is broken, there is no worship. Yeah. At least that's that's what my experience was. And so the very thing, the very thing that brought me so much joy, the very thing that led me to connect very deeply internally to myself and to God in many ways, right?

Because it's still the gift that he gave me. Yeah. Right. To to connect and do those things almost felt impossible. I believe it. Yeah. Some people just and then, you know, it's easier to go into the into the, you know, draw the shades and curl up with the pain.

Yes. It's just easier sometimes because and sometimes, honestly, like we we worry about people that do that and it and we need to, you know, but sometimes we need a little bit of that time because that's where the work is happening, right?

You know, and it just saddens me that so many people just go on and move into the to that next phase that you were talking about because when you talk about suicide, when you feel there is no hope at all because that is think about what suicide is.

Yes. Right. You have lost all hope. Yes. Yes. So, how did you get your hope back? Oh my goodness. You know, after all this thinking that I was so functional, I can't quite to this day put my finger on what it was that threw me back off the wagon, if you will.

But I was getting ready to to take a sbatical from news for my news uh career, and I was trying to figure out there were a lot of things that a lot of changes that were happening in my life at the time. And I said to myself, I I need to take a break from news.

I want to see if I can maybe pursue a different kind of career. If if it doesn't work out, I can always come back here. And I did that. I took the sbatical. And what what happened as soon as I took the sabbatical, as soon as I removed the distraction from my job, of my job.

Yeah. Right. Of my career. As soon as I removed that distraction, which really for me became just a coping mechanism, right, I was left raw and naked. And I was just like, "Oh my goodness, there's that dark cloud again." And I and I sank into a depression that was different because it was a depression that I felt really comfortable in and I didn't want to come out of this place.

Wow. And it was then it was then that my thank God for my family which are I I I'm surrounded by a family of believers. my sister and my mother um came out to see me and they brought my aunt who is a god-fearing woman uh and my cousin came and her husband who's a pastor and it was like the troops coming to deliver me, you know.

Yeah. And I I'll never forget them knocking on the door of the little cottage that I was living in at the time. Mhm. They knew I was in there. They knew I hadn't come out for days. They knew that the blinds had been drawn and I refused to open the door.

And after a back and forth for a little bit, I finally opened the door. They came in. They they they put the blinds up. They let the light in. They they started to clean up the place. They sat me down. They put their hands on me, Diana, and they prayed.

And I'm going to tell you something. Not only was I delivered, I was spiritually delivered on that day. I fully believe that because I've never again had an episode like that again in my life. Okay. And I and I went back to therapy because I knew that I had more work to do.

Yeah. Okay. So, I I really am a big believer in the science and the spiritual part of this, right? But there was something about that spiritual part that no one had yet done for me. But when they put their hands on me and they asked Jesus to come into that space and and to free me from from from the chains that I had been shackled and bound by for so long that happened and it doesn't happen that way for everyone.

It really doesn't. And and I don't you know I want to be real clear about that. And I I can't tell you why God heals some and not others. That's an answer that we won't get, I think, until we're on the other side of eternity.

But I do know this. I do know that whatever situation we're in, whatever thing we're suffering through, God is there and he is in it and he is with us. And I'd rather walk and I I would rather walk through a dark and broken situation for the rest of my life with God than without him.

Yeah. If there was no healing to come, but I knew that he was by my side, I would rather do that today every single day with him than without him. Cuz I know the difference between the two. Wow. Wow. Rebecca. Yeah. I mean, I just I guess I'm just thinking about the hundreds of people that I've walked alongside with.

Um, you know, it's not the how would I say kind of the same path, different scenery. Yes. Right. Yes. And um you know and some people have nobody. And what would you say to someone like that that has nobody? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I I have such a heart for that person that you're describing because even though I was surrounded by people who loved me for so many years, for mo all of my life really, Diana, when I was in that place, I truly believed that I had nobody.

So I have a heart for that person who feels alone and who is physically alone. I have a heart for that person. And I would say to that person, I know you don't feel it. I know you don't sense it. I know you don't even hear it right now, but you're never alone.

Amen. You're never alone. In your worst moments, God truly is there. In your best moments, God is there. but more so in the worst moments. And I tell everybody this story because people have a hard time understanding, well, how could you trust a God again who who allowed this to happen to you?

Yes, that's what I hear. And I'm like, oh my goodness. Like, how do you answer that? You're right. The why question is the is the most popular question, right? Yeah. And it's a question that I I absolutely address in the book, but I I want people to know this.

This is this is how I know that that God is with us throughout every single even especially the bad experiences. On the night that I was assaulted, on the night that I was assaulted, there came a point in the fight and in the wrestling that I knew and I had to accept in a matter of seconds this was going to happen to me.

And it was a reality that I did not want to step into that night. And I was fighting for my life in that moment. But there came a moment where there was no more fight. And in that moment, I turned my face and my eyes were fixed, got fixed on this light underneath the doorway.

And for those horrific moments, my eyes stayed fixed on that light and never came off that light. And I went that night, I believe in that moment, I kind of went into sort of a catonic state. Yeah. It's your brain protecting you. Yeah.

I went into a catatonic state. And today, today, decades later, I can tell you with absolute certainty, I know who that light was. I know that in those moments, those horrific moments, my father in heaven was right there with me holding my hand through those moments.

And he and in those moments, it was almost like the Lord's hand sort of came over my eyes. Wow. Yes. That's how that feels to me. And and I only know this all those years, all these years later, right? But I truly believe that in that light was my protector.

And he protected and he kept me alive that night. Wow. He kept he kept me breathing that night. And I got home that night. I got home that night. And and so I believe I believe that you are never alone. And to that person out there that feels alone, I just want to tell you this.

If you just if you just take one teeny tiny step of faith, one just one, take one step, that step might be a phone call. It might be a phone call to someone you feel safe with. It might be a phone call to a pastor or to to a member of clergy or or you know to a to a therapist maybe that you that you've stayed away from for a while or maybe it's a good good friend or a sister or a mom.

I don't know. But if if you could just take one step of faith or a teacher or the local community mental health center or 988 the suicide hotline or if you're in Broward 211 there's so there are resources out there you guys but step out in faith because there is a better way and there is a good life waiting for you.

There are so God still has good things for you. And and what trauma does, trauma steals your your reality. Trauma steals it it distorts your reality. And trauma makes you believe that this is it. This is what you're going to live with for the rest of your life.

Trauma is a liar. Trauma is a liar. And so until you understand that and until you understand how to break through those lies and how to kick down those lies with the help of Christ who is in you and with you and all around you, you know, trauma will continue to lie to you.

Yeah. But it's a lie. It's a lie. And I want I want those who feel hopeless today to understand that because if you feel alone, if you're if everything around you is telling you that you are alone, that's your trauma lying to you.

Mhm. Well, you got to really think about what the evil one what I what I've learned in the holy scriptures about the evil one. His only purpose only purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy. Amen. Okay. And and that purpose, if he could get you alone and just keep whispering and making you think negative thoughts, that's the whole purpose.

Okay. To get you to a point where you don't understand the purpose of the trauma. Yes. Okay. And it's it's like you're not alone there. I mean, okay. So, did you besides the you know, thank God for your family, right? From that, you said you continued therapy.

Yes. Did you ever do EMDR? I never did EMDR because EMDR, Diana, I don't even think it was around at the time. The first Oh, that's true. I forget. This was a while ago around at the time. I in fact I remember very recently um when I started when I started writing my manuscript for the book uh I sat with a counselor a Christian counselor who ended up being my subject matter expert for the book.

I love that. And and she I remember she asked me the same question and I said no no Nadia this happened in '92. There was no EMDR. She said oh my goodness Rebecca. And then she said to me, interestingly, she said, you know, when you start your writing in this book, you may be a little triggered.

And so, you know, if you feel that way, I invite you to take a step back there to that world and try some EMDR. And so, it's it it is something that I've done a little bit of reading on because at some point I'm probably going to practice that.

I'm still listen I'm still a very big believer in in regular therapy. Yes. regular. I agree. Check, right? You know, I'm check with that. Yes. Yeah. Because what happens? Okay. It's just like anything like all right, you're feeling great at the gym and you're exercising and your muscles are buff and everything and then next thing you know, you stop going to the gym.

What's going to happen? Right. Yeah. Right. You know, this is about brain health. This is about regulating the system. This is a science part and you know I've trained you know you were there when it's about learning about the holistic approach of the human how the lord made us the whole approach.

So what happened to you was horrific. What has happened to so many millions of people have been horrific. People are are I mean you see the society and the culture right now and and let like that's what I'm saying. It it does become our own responsibility in a way to seek out because first of all no human is really a mind readader.

I don't care how many psychics are on every street corner. Okay. We're not mind readers and and we have to take responsibility to go through the valley. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. So tell me about your book now because like you know experiencing God's tenderness after brokenness.

How is this like you know a memoir? What is it? So this that's a great question. um you know, when I wrote it and and the way that I published it, I published this like a daily devotional about trauma. And so it's literally it's a 60-day devotional book of stories about different types of trauma.

So they're real stories of real people who've experienced the trauma of sexual assault like I did. There are people who've experienced the trauma of a sinful lifestyle and the consequences that they suffered through in that. There are people who suffered the trauma of grief of a of a loss of a loved one.

I have a a woman that I wrote about in the book who lost her newborn baby. There's um stories in the book of the trauma of addiction, the trauma of suicidal ideiation. There's there so it's broken up into sections and every single story which is which is followed by scripture.

Every single story is also followed by a day of biblicalbased meditation and prayer. Wow. So the day that follows every story is a day that is scripture-based. There's a short uh scripture passage and and and a a clarification of that passage so that we understand it.

And then we use that passage and we go into a place of meditation and prayer with that passage. And it's a guided meditation. And I paint the I literally I I I write the the pictures for you so you can read through it.

And imagine these pictures. Imagine that you're sitting on a park bench with Jesus in this beautiful great park with this beautiful pond in front of you and he's got his arm on his around your shoulders and he's telling you how much he loves you and that you were never meant to carry this pain.

Like I actually paint these pictures to help take you into a guided meditative space with God. Wow. Because I believe and what I've experienced is that it is in that private secret place with God that spiritual healing happens. Yeah. I think science is good for the mental part of what we need to do.

Yes. It's the science helps to take care of the biological part, right? The brain part, right? The the the the things that you are uh resolving, how you're resolving them, resources, tools, right? The the the science helps us to do that. But what the spiritual part does, the spiritual part in my view and in my opinion and this is just Rebecca I'm not an an expert but what I have experienced is that the what spirituality does is it takes your healing to a to another level.

Yes. It it takes your healing to a a different kind of wholeness and completeness. And God deals with the part of you, right, that you hear in your discernment. The part of you that you hear in your spirit, right, in that secret place with God, your intuition, your conscious, right, your gut.

Yeah. Yes. All that's what God deals with. Wow. Which I think is is really I think when you put these things together, it there's so much beauty around it. Rebecca, God is moving in spaces and places because I know I shared with you I I was asked to present at the United Way on faith and neuroplasticity.

Okay. But there were other presenters there too bringing in those things together like faith and science. Faith and science. I see Dr. Aean doing it as well and other people in real public spaces. And I'm seeing a movement into this because more people are becoming either Catholic or trying to find churches.

I mean, there's a lot of deconstructionists, but I honestly it's a good thing because they're now finally finding the real Jesus. Yes, absolutely. Okay. So, to me, like, wow. Like, this book 60 days, have you done an audio with it? So, the audio is coming later on this year.

Yes. I love that. The audio will be coming later this year. And and that was always the plan knowing that this would be a meditation type book. But what's interesting, Diana, is that people who pick this book up, everyone tells me they were so hooked on the stories, they never read it like a daily devotional.

They read it like a book. I have people that read through this in two days. Wow. Yes. All right. So, if it's a two-dayer, I'm going to I'm going to, you know, I should have gotten it already. I'm a bad bad ho host.

I'm telling you, I've had quite a few authors on and I haven't read the book yet. But that's because if you see the stack of books next to my nightstand, you know, but it's it's it's also it's okay. At least I've given you a voice, right, to to share with others.

You'll get to it, right? I have a stack of books I want to read, too. by my Well, Rebecca, I I would ask too, do you do book clubs or do you or have you thought about doing something like that where you have like eight people come and we do it together for 60 days and and then see how the outcome is and you have I think that's also coming later on this year when I release the audio.

Um it is so this so last year I wrote the book. We launched the book in December of last year right right before Christmas and um and all this year has been really dedicated to just talking about the book and and really um just just really trying to get to a platform where I can help people and just trying to get the book into hands of people who I know need it.

And I I'll tell you the thing that has moved me the most through this process. You know, I always said from the very beginning, if this book only if I only sell five books, it'll still be worth it as long as those five people hear the message that's in that book.

Yeah. And so, you know, my my purpose has not been to be a bestseller, to sell all these books. My purpose has just been to help the one Yes. the one, you know, and and so it's it that's really where my mindset is on this thing.

And and every time that I have spoken about this book, I can't tell you Diana, for the last two years straight, every single time that I talk about my story, it never gets by me the faces of the women in the audience in front of me.

I can always absolutely know who has been victimized. I can look into that audience and see the eyes of the women looking back at me and I can I can literally pick them out of the audience. I know it's you. I know this happened to you.

I know you're a victim, too. I know you're a survivor. I like those are the things when as I'm speaking I can see these and do you know that these women come up afterwards and nine times out of 10 these are women who never reported what happened.

Yeah. Yeah. And nine times out of 10 these are women who have felt the power of making it okay to share the story and the thing that happened to you. And that to me is the biggest blessing. Yeah. That to me is the biggest blessing because I from day one and the the thing that I'm most grateful for is that from day one I had women around me who said this is not okay.

This is not okay and we need to get you some help. Yes. And I I talked to so many women who were not given no space. they weren't allowed to talk about it or they don't know where to start. They don't. So, so what would you say to that person?

Honestly, where did they start? Even if it happened, you know, 10 years ago, even if it h listen, there's women out there that this happened 60 years ago. Okay. Oh my goodness. When they really had no not, you know, so like what would you tell someone like that?

Oh, it is never too late. That's right. It is never too late. Your day of healing is today. You know, I I love I love the Bible verse, you know, today is the day of your salvation, right? But I like to follow up I like to follow that up with today is also the day of your healing.

Yeah. The beginning of your healing journey. You can start that today. Today. But it takes a step of faith. You know, when I launched my book, we had a launch party and there were after after we did a reading of of a couple of passages in the book and afterwards I got rushed by just a crowd of people who just they wanted their book signed and they wanted to talk to me and there was a woman who lingered in the back.

She was someone I had known from my church for quite some time. older woman, okay? Probably in her late 60s. And she sort of lingered in the back and let me go through all these people and talk to everyone. And she just lingered and lingered.

And she was the last person who walked up to me and she threw her arms around me and she whispered in my ear. She said, "That's what I've seen behind those kind eyes this whole time." Oh, she said and I She said, "I saw it because that is me, too."

Wow. And she said, "Rebecca, God bless you for being so bold and courageous because I never was this bold and courageous." Yeah. But it's never too late to be bold and courageous. And I told her that and in that moment I told her, I said, "What you just said to me showed boldness and courage."

Yes. Those words to me, that's the beginning of your healing journey. Yeah. So, so right on, Rebecca. And listen, if this has happened to you, it isn't, you know, I don't know if you could go and report it to the police. I don't know where you're at or anything, but like Rebecca said, writing it down, finding someone where you can get it out of your brain, right?

Understanding the work. There are YouTube videos. There are are organizations. I mean, I'm gonna try to find as many. Do you know of any that I because I could get I put everything in the show notes because no matter where you are in this world and if you and and this happens to men, too, okay?

Because I've had quite a few young men in my office back in the day. I mean, I don't work with adolescence anymore. That, let me tell you, it happens in the church. It happens outside the church. It happens a lot with different human beings in different spaces.

So, are there resources that you know of that? Yes, there I I I have I have several resources on my website, but the one that I that comes to mind right now is RAIN, R A I N. Okay. And you can you can Google that.

It'll come right up. That is specific to sexual assault. Okay. Uh but I'm very much about the suicide hotline. I mean, and depending on what county you're in, it's usually you can usually dial a a three three numbers and get some more resources help.

But um I RAIN is the one that really stands out to me and then 988 first suicide awareness, right? Or suicide hotline. Um but I I and I think honestly too that there are some of these there are some of these hotlines. You call them and you tell them what you're struggling with.

They're going to get you to the right resources. Yes. That's why they're there. So I I've I've been there. I've I've called the resources. I've worked within the resources. I've sat on boards in the past many many many years ago.

Um, and so I can tell you uh that there are so many resources out there, but you the the the one thing and the easiest thing that you can do today and it may not seem easy right now, but I promise you when you do it, it will the floodgates will open and that is this.

Find a person that you feel safe with. Yeah. And confess it all. Yes. Let it go. Release yourself of the burden of the secret. Yeah. Release yourself from that burden because it was never yours to carry quietly and secretly. God doesn't want that for you.

And when you open your mouth and begin to share what happened with you in a safe space, that is the very beginning and the first step to your healing. Yeah. You get your power back. Yes. Because that's the thing. you feel you feel you feel like you've lost all power, but you get little by little and and and inviting the Holy Spirit, the Lord Jesus Christ inside in these spaces like Rebecca said, because honestly like we might not understand.

We never It's a mystery at times like sometimes, but we whatever you focus on though is what's going to grow. Yes. I just talked about neuroplasticity. So it's like you know whatever uh fires together wires together. Yes. So start rewiring your mind you know do not conform to the patterns.

This is a pattern. This is a pattern in this freaking world. It it pisses me off. I'm sorry but it does it gets me angry and it gets me upset because I've walked alongside so many humans that this has happened to. You know but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Let it start here. Renew your mind. Okay. Little by little, open up the word of God. Even though if you're angry or because listen, he made all these emotions. He made all the emotions, you know, because if you're there, isolated in the negative thought processes, that is what's going to keep growing and growing.

And that's where you go into the suicidal places and then you start believing that crap. And that's those are lies. Find the truth. And the truth is you are loved. Yes. You are seen. You are seen. You are seen by the God of the universe.

I tell everybody that when I talk to them, you know, understand if you don't hear anything else today, understand that you are seen by the creator of this universe, by the one who who crafted the color of your skin, the size of your eyes, the shape of your eyes, the hair and the, you know, the color of your hair, the texture of your hair.

He every little crease in your fingers, right? He created and and the the the the way that your smile perks up the room, you know, he created that of you and all he desires is to help you and to be in the struggle with you and to be in the healing with you, right?

One of the things I love what you said about about what you focus on, how that will grow. One of the things that I focused and I repeat a lot in the book is that is that idea of what you focus on will grow, right?

And part of a big part of my healing came from practicing the spiritual disciplines, prayer, time with God, right? Time in the word, community, right? Involving myself in a community of believers, a healthy community of believers. And there is a difference. Well, can we talk about that for a second?

Because what is the different because that's this is where I you know, so I also have clients that are deconstructing or um I call it reconstructing and Rebecca, are you still there? Yes. Oh, sorry. It froze. It froze. But but I was saying that there there are clients that are deconstructing their faith or walked away completely.

And this is I see the movement the ex evangelicals and the deconstructions, you know, but I really think that they're just reconstructing their faith because the ones that come to me, there's some that have totally left Christianity completely, you know, because of a lot of trauma and anger and hypocrisy and what they've seen.

But so what would be a healthy church? Yeah, that's a great question. So I want to preface my answer by saying this. I think one of the things that gets away from us sometimes is we forget that the church is full of flawed people, right?

We are human people who sin and who are flawed and have ideas and prejudices and and dysfunctions, right? And I am a big believer that the hospital is a place for the sick, right? The sick soul, the sick spirit, right? It that is that is what a church is.

So I think that's what we more often than not forget to keep in mind is that it is it hospitals uh churches are truly the hospital for the sick. Right? So with that in mind, right, I believe that a healthy church is a church that helps to create these safe spaces for you.

M I believe that a healthy church is a church that believes the word that says there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Yes. I believe that is a healthy church. I believe a healthy church is a church that focuses more attention on the love and the grace and the mercy of God than the wrath and the punishment of God and the politics and the politics of God.

Well, listen, and I'm going to tell you this. I believe I believe that a healthy church is a church that isn't preaching politics, okay? And instead, they're telling you, "Hey, we all have to get along. There's no room for that nonsense here. Yes, it's still important to go out and vote and do your thing, but there's no room for that.

We're one body." Amen. We are one body, and we each serve a purpose in the body. That's right. And and our purpose, our number one purpose is to love Christ and love each other. Amen. Exactly. Exactly. Woo. Now we're going to go into a whole different a second hour.

No, I know. I have to respect We got to respect the time. Oh my good. But no, it's true. A healthy church is someone that at the pulpit is always, always, and I mean always pointing to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. The one that came to show us the way, the one that made us understand that we need him because we are flawed humans.

Yes. It should never point to all the to me like when you start nitpicking the world and your denomination's better than the other denomination and you're right and everybody else is wrong. You have just become a communal narcissist. That's what that's from a therapist.

That's from a therapist and I just I just diagnosed all these people. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, Rebecca. Uh and I'm and I'm kidding too. I mean like you know because I don't want to put more uh gas on the fire of humans that are like oh yeah see she hates the church.

No I don't hate the church. I love the church. Okay. But I think I'm also frustrated because of what I've experienced personally and what I have seen happen to so many. Yes. But but a lot of people too focus on the human behind the pulpit instead of being biblically literate and wanting to know why they believe what they believe anyway.

Yes. You know, most people who leave church after like a like a a public failure of a of a of a pastor or person of clergy, those are individuals who many times and not all the time, but many times have been literally um attending church on borrowed faith, you know, on borrowed faith or on a faith that maybe they haven't continued to deepen, right?

And and really in all honesty, and I've seen this happen in my lifetime so many times, you know, but but I think that if you are grounded in your faith, if you know who God is, the key is if you are if you have an active if you have an active relationship with Christ, okay, if you're meeting with him on a regular basis daily, if you are in the word and you understand the word, if you are in community, because in community there is accountability.

Yes. And that's it. And there and there's a difference of it because you have to have healthy accountability as well. Okay. Because I know there's many that uh use prayer as gossip. Yes. Okay. And so I get I get these things, right? I understand.

And and then that's it. A healthy accountability is having one or two people. I just had the situation happened. Literally before I came on, I spoke to my accountability partner because she called me out on she called me out on something last night.

I was so I mean before I went on preitation she called me out on something and I was just frustrated and I'm like Lord if this is you need to teach her and the next thing you know this morning we talked about it and thank God that I have that you know a handful of humans that are accountability and that's important and you know what Rebecca you said the spiritual disciplines okay and I want to re-emphasize

that because to me people don't know how I I have people come to me that don't know the Lord at all and they're curious.

I'm telling you, they they're coming from a whole different and they're like, "Well, I know that I'm not a Christian. Will you still take me?" And I'm like, "Of course, it's an ethical thing. I'm a licensed clinical therapist. I'm open to everybody because that's, you know, even though I say I'm a Christian counselor and then people actually judge me for saying that, too, because I'm not just That's a Okay, that's a whole other rabbit hole.

He told you I had I told you I had to have an outline. Anyway, but I I'm saying that because it is important to understand especially if you're learning and it's new or you're trying to get out of the pain or feeling like God has never been there.

Yes. Okay. And it it's honestly what I've learned it's and and when I felt like that because Rebecca listen I I might have not gone through your kind of trauma but I've gone through my own. Yes. I know. Okay. And that loneliness and that that it's a real thing.

Sadness. Yes. that that you know, but I realized too those times and I'm talking about after um becoming a disciple of Jesus Christ because you're still going to have lamentations and Ecclesiastes. Those two I always talk about because when I'm in that sadness I under I have to read things going okay no like other people it's not all about these joyful happiness all the time feeling high on worship.

No, but what the spiritual disciplines help us do, Diana, is the renewing of the mind. Yeah. That which is so powerful. I love um and I heard you say it uh in Yes. in your your podcast before this one um you know with Mr.

Padilla that you would Yes. Grace Alliance. Yes. I heard you that's a resource too by the way. Yes. A great resource. I loved everything he said. Um, but you you you mentioned the renewing of the mind again. And what people don't understand is that when we say the spiritual disciplines, it's not just things that you're supposed to do as a Christian.

That's not what that is. It's not about works. It's not about, oh, well, I have to do this today in order for me to be right with God. Yeah. It's not this task. Okay. The spiritual disciplines are a quiet secret place that you go into or a community that you go into.

Okay? And it is in that place that you will that you can renew your spirit, your soul, the mind, and the body. It's it's it's a place where you can kind of sit with God and let him weed out those things that you are struggling with.

Yeah. Help him weed out through scripture and prayer uh and meditation. Help him get to the root of your symptoms. Yeah. You know symptoms. Yes. It let him get to the root of your symptoms. Let him work on the root of your symptoms.

Yeah. And that's that's where that happens in the disciplines. Right. And so I I hope people hear today that prayer, community, Bible reading, devotionals, these aren't just things that we have to do in order to get to heaven because I don't believe that at all.

No, me neither. These are things that scientifically are to our benefit and spiritually are great for our survival and for victorious living. Amen. Amen. Ah, Rebecca. Well, listen, I could keep on talking to you, but let me tell you, we're going to end right there.

And I encourage I think to start with the the discipline is get your Bible and then get Rebecca's book seen experiencing God's tenderness after brokenness. I'm sure you find it on Amazon. I will put her what's your website again? My website is rebecca medina stewart.com and I'm on social media in the same way.

You can find me there. My website has a blog if you want to log on and I do have and and everything that I blog is also in audio format. Oh my goodness. Wow. So, listen, all that will be on the show notes.

And Rebecca, let me tell you, I love you, my sister. I love you. I mean, like, I want to come back and have a conversation with you. Oh my gosh. Well, listen, we'll come. Yeah. Listen, if that is what the Lord because I do pray.

I don't just let anybody come on because I'm like, Lord, is it okay? Like, what is it? Because I had to learn hard lessons, too. Because sometimes when you're on fire in the beginning and you just go ahead of God and you become Martha.

Yeah. I had to learn the hard way to be Mary. Yes. Been there, done that. Exactly. So, all right. Any final words before we go? Absolutely. I just want to say um to the man or woman out there who has been hurt, who's been hurt, I want you to understand today that again, you are seen.

I I may not know you. We have maybe never had a conversation before. I may not even know your name, but I see you. I know what your darkness feels like. I know what your sadness looks like. I know what that loneliness is like to walk through.

And I want you to know today that you are loved. You are loved. You are seen by the God of the universe. And he can't wait to help you and get into that space with you to make you better because he does have good things for you, too.

There's still life to live as long as there is breath in your lungs. Oh, amen. Amen. Well, listener, don't forget, trust in the Lord, guard your heart, and renew your mind. Amen. Jesus loves you. And now for the disclaimer to make sure you understand that you are responsible for you.

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