Christian Mom Guilt & Presence: Renewing Your Mind in Christ

Hello there fearfully and wonderfully made human. Welcome back to the holistic counselor podcast brought to you by through the valley Therapy and Transform Mind Consulting and coaching. I'm your host Diana S. Rice, licensed mental health counselor and certified integrative mental health professional. As a mom of four and now an awaitita of six, I know the tension of motherhood, the guilt, the busyiness, and the longing to be fully present when life is pulling you in a hundred different directions.

That's one of the main reasons why I started this podcast to glorify God, break mental health stigma in the church and in the black and brown communities and offer free tool sets to those who might not have access to therapy or coaching. Today, I'm thrilled to welcome Cindy Love.

Cindy is a wife, a boy mom, a Christian life coach, and the founder of Livelod Mom. She is also the host of the Liveloved Mom podcast, which ranks in the top 10% globally. Through her Present Mama coaching program, she equips Christian moms to release guilt, embrace their God-given purpose, and cultivate a mindset rooted in faith.

Cindy and I first connected at the Women's Leadership Network, part of Craig Rochelle's Global Leadership Network, a space designed to empower women leaders through encouragement, growth, and connection. That experience opened the door for us to have a conversation and last year she invited me on her podcast for episode 75, Motherhood and Mental Health: Faithbased Healing and Holistic Counseling.

If you haven't listened yet, I encourage you to go back and hear that episode as a companion to what you'll hear today. Now, in this new year of 2026, I'm honored to bring Cindy here to the Holistic Counselor Podcast to share her wisdom, her faith, and her heart for moms.

This isn't just about mom guilt. It's about learning how to live loved, how to be present, and how to lean into the grace of God in the middle of real life motherhood. So whether you're a mom in the trenches with little ones, juggling work and teenagers, or simply trying to hold it all together, this episode is for you.

Let's step into this powerful conversation with my guest, Cindy. Cindy, thank you for being here. Ah, thank you so much for this beautiful introduction. Oh my goodness, I am so grateful to be here. I just feel so honored, you know, that the Lord has allow allowed our paths to cross um and that we're able to do this, you know, and just serve others and and be able to bring encouragement and um to moms and others.

So,

yeah, exactly.

Excited for the podcast and this conversation.

I know. And it's a new year. I mean, 2026, can you believe it? It's like, wow. Coming up and and here. So anyway, um can you just take us back because this is this is really important because I know as a mom back in the day, I especially as a Christian mom and and I was a a Christian at 29.

So being a I already had my bonus kids because the children I'm talking about, they're my bonus kids, my stepchildren, and then I had my little, you know, and that that's a hard place trying to be that perfect Proverbs 31 mother. And I now that I'm where I'm at, I'm like, "Oh my goodness, that was a whole mind thing."

And what that perfection that I thought, which is a ballheaded lie, many thoughts. Um, you know, what were some of the first moments when mom guilt showed up for you and how did it embed your daily life?

Yeah. Um, that's a great question and something that I share a lot because I feel like, you know, we all as moms deal with mom guilt. Um, but for me it truly started the moment I found out I was pregnant. Um, because I was thinking back to the day of conception and I was like, "Oh my gosh, like I had alcohol that night.

What if that affects my baby? What if there's birth defects?" You know, like, so all of these thoughts just started coming to me and I was just bombarded with all of this guilt and shame. Um, and it's like how how could I have known, you know, like it's like you you don't know, but that's when really the mom guilt started.

Um, and I think, [gasps] you know, I was feeling so much shame for having that one glass of wine. Um, then it just kept coming as my son got older. It was like when I had to go back to work, put him in daycare, you know.

Um, and then I just started having just anxiety about all the things like what school to put him in, like you know, like am I making the right decisions as a mom, you know, like all of these things just kept coming at me.

And I think that's truly I think it's actually was rooted from me going through a lot of of trauma in my young years, my young age. Um, cuz as a child, I was sexually abused as a child. I was um in a household where domestic violence was the norm.

Um so I think that left me very distorted in in the view that I had of myself, you know. Um I felt very uh had very low self-esteem, felt very self-conscious, and my identity truly was rooted in how I can please people. So I I call myself a recovering people pleaser. [snorts] Um, and the Lord had had actually brought me through that already.

I had gone through this process with the Lord where he showed me who I am in him. But for some reason, it's like it was shaken. As soon as I became a mom, these things started coming back. And the [clears throat] Lord had to remind me what he had brought me through

and that my identity wasn't in my role as a mom, right? But my identity was in him. Oh, that's so good. We need to say that again for everyone listening because honestly that's what happens, right?

And you know what, Cindy? When I think about it, like I'm I'm in my 50s, right? And so the stuff that moms nowadays have to really, it's a real pressure cooker. It's a real weight on the shoulder. Not saying that we didn't have weight and our ancestors didn't have weight on it because it's different.

It's a different thing. But you guys have social media and and so much more comparisons like

Oh, yeah.

You know, and that does a number, too. And then when you're trying to hold space for yourself to work through your complex PTSD because as a therapist, I know when you just shared your story, I'm like, "Oh, yeah. I get it.

Oh, yeah.

I see PTSD." And this is like, you know, why

this is why I'm trying to break stigma in churches and in our communities. So, can we can we talk about like cuz people that are not listening um if they see us, they know that we're black and brown,

right?

Yeah.

I'm originally from Haiti. So, yes, I I I grew up there. I didn't move to the United States until I was 14 years old. So, my um my childhood most of my childhood was in Haiti.

Wow. Okay. Can we talk Do you mind talking about that a little bit more?

No. No.

Okay. Good. Yeah. So, I want to know, you moved from Haiti to America. Was it to Florida?

Yes.

Okay. Did you speak English?

No.

I did not.

Okay. See, and and the reason why I'm I'm reacting this way is [clears throat] because I spent most of my career in alternative high schools

and that's probably one of the hardest thing. Did you come to Broward?

Yeah, I came to Broward. Um, so it was a huge culture shock for me for sure. Uh, cuz I came from an allgirl Catholic school in Haiti and I was thrown into I feel like I was thrown to the wolves out here because it is definitely not the same.

Um, not just culturally but even in school like the the um culture is definitely different uh in the school system.

Yeah. than it was in my all girls Asian Catholic school. You know what I mean? Yes.

Um so it was I was shocked. I was shocked at the things that I was witnessing of um you know kids making out in the bathroom smoking. Like I was not accustomed to that at all.

And plus I barely spoke any English. Like I knew a few words, you know, like I how to say my name, you know, like the bathroom, like things like that. But no, I was definitely not fluent in English. So that was another shock for me is to learn a different language.

Yes. And and Cindy, the reason I really think this is super important to bring up because in our cultures and and I'm born here, so I'm second generation and my and that's the thing I try to get my listeners to understand like the first generation and I love how do Dr.

Don Wood puts it emotional concussions where uh something happens in our life and it comes in high definition right and so that's why it gets stored in the nervous system and into our brain and everything but but then as we work through it and process it through therapy or you know I don't know how you process your CPTTSD but with mine

it it was counseling the Lord of course his word in context understanding it because there's a lot of people within the church walls that take the word to to Bible dart others, right? They use it as a weapon instead of a mirror for healing,

right? And so for for you, I really want to um to to hear your story because it's so important and and not many people understand

that trauma, those emotional concussions, those w early wounds because you already shared with us like these other hardcore wounds and then we're thrown into a Broward County school system. And I get it. I grew up I mean I came from New York and came here when I was 12 and the system and I don't want to put it down because that that Brier County school system even though it was

so many different things shocks and everything you we had to learn to navigate it in a different way because it's very multicultural. It's very uh it just has its own flavor of things and I think it might be a South Florida County school because we have a whole bunch of different cultures from whole different places of of the world and then the the freedom you do have and just the I mean I remember there was a fight and this was in the 80s, right?

And there was fist fights every day and it just became the norm, right? It just becomes the norm of of watching these kids pop off on each other. But now that I'm a grown woman with all this tool set, I understand that pop off wasn't just the normal culture.

It was so many human beings with so much PTSD.

Yeah.

Complex PTSD and trauma. And that's why their nervous system, right, Zindy? You're a nurse. So, let's let's tell the audience that you're a nurse, right? So, tell them a little bit about yourself. [gasps]

Yeah. So, I am I am a nurse. And yes, you know, you did you mentioned how how did I go through this complex P PTSD? Honestly, I didn't um go to therapy until a couple of years ago, and I know it's it's it's kind of shocking, but um the Lord I feel like really had had healed me from most of my traumas.

Um it was a long journey. I mean, I've been a believer since before I came to the United States cuz my dad was a Baptist preacher. But I really started living my life for the Lord and following the Lord when I was 14 years old when I came to the United States.

And through just my faith, just like reading the word, spending time in and with God praying, I could see how the Lord was able to heal me and really go into like the deep deepest parts of my heart and kind of heal the hurt that I had been through.

And I was going to couple's therapy for my husband and I.

And the therapist goes, "You have to fill out this form before you start therapy." And the therapist goes, "You've been through a lot of trauma in your life. Have you ever done therapy?" And I was like, "Uh, [gasps] no, not really." I was like, "You know what?

I like it really took me a back because I was like, oh wow, like I really have been through a lot of trauma in my life. maybe I should go to therapy. So then I took her advice and I I went to to therapy.

But um it was good because it it really allowed me to um learn how to process my emotions better.

Yes. Um, I I will say that's the one thing that I learned because I was the type of person that would, and I think that's like a cultural thing, too. But I I was the type of person that, you know, if something would happen, um, I would say, "Yeah, you know, I'm sad, whatever, but I got to keep moving on."

So, I don't sit in it. I don't really process through it. I just got to keep going, move on to the next thing. Next thing, you know, I'm a mom. I'm a nurse. I'm a wife. Like, I have all these things that I got to do.

So, I just got to keep moving on and not worry about whatever just happened. You know what I mean?

Um,

and all of that just stays in the back of your mind. I mean, you know, you know, you're you're a Catholic.

No, but Cindy, I want people to understand that and that's what we're sitting here having this conversation. I might know these things, but that's the thing. It doesn't matter if I know it or not.

It matters that you understand it and we break the stigma because Cindy, there's parts of us and I still hear it. And I'm saying it in Spanish,

which means like what therapy counseling, what I'm not crazy because automatically that's a part in us. I'm a therapist

and for me to go to therapy took a long time for me to sit there with myself and the Lord praying and and and going, you know what, I have to No. And I realized therapy, this is how I like to say it, especially to my men from the black and brown community.

Yeah.

You know, do you play sports? Yeah. Well, think of me as your psycho educational trainer.

Yeah. No, that's a good Yeah, that's a good way to put it,

right? Because the second you say therapy or counseling in this in this time, it's like, "Oh, I'm not crazy." It they go hand in hand or or what? You don't have enough faith.

M that's the one that's the one I think really resonates with me is like you're a Christian you just have to have more faith you need to pray more you need to like you don't need therapy you don't need to go to and that's a stigma that I'm also trying to break because I really think that the Lord has created us holistically including our mind and if we're not taking care of that then we're not taking care and stewarding the body that the Lord gave us, you know.

Um, so I think that it's so important and I I love that now I'm seeing a shift and that more people are seeking counseling or coaching or therapy or whatever they might need because the Lord has truly created us to have life and live it to the full, right?

How can we live it to the full if we have this mental um burden, this mental illness that we're dealing with? If we're sick, if we have a cold, if we have a heart issue, we're

quick to go to the doctor or the hospital to get it taken care of.

What difference is it?

Well, we know some people in our culture, our culture is like, "No, I'm not going to doctor." And then they ignore ignore.

And what happens when we ignore, Cindy, you see it. You're in the hospitals. What happens when we ignore ourselves to a point of like all of it, mind, body, and spirit?

Yeah. I mean, you just you end up in the hospital where I work. Like, you you really end up there. And by that time, it's not preventative care, you know? It's like now we're already at the end of it or or catch it towards the end of it.

And we have to try to to work backwards instead of it being preventative because even your mental health affects your physiology. It affects everything in your body.

So if you don't take care of that, then what happens is your stress and all those things are going to help high blood pressure, you know, like it's going to show up in your body in some way and then you're going to end up in the hospital when this could have been prevented if we had already taken care of whatever mental burden that you were dealing with in the first place.

Why do you think um our people ignore it? Why do you think that? Um, I think that it's, you know, it is it's both cultural, but it's also, you know, that's I think it's sad to say, but I think because of how we grew up, we just we grew up and well, I mean, at least I'm speaking for me.

I grew up in a culture where talking about our emotions is taboo where therapy was not never on anyone's mind. You know, like we are a people that we are we are very prideful in our strength and we think that it's strength to not talk about our emotion.

We think that it's strength to not seek help if we need it. Um whether it is mental health or not, I think it's for us, for my culture, our people. I think it's hard for us to step out and say, "I need help."

Because we're the type of people that want to take it all on our shoulders and say, "No, I can do it. I I just got to keep going. I just got to keep moving on." Um and and not take the time to ask for help when it's needed.

Well, it's survival, right? It's survival mode. you come to this country and this is what I've learned from because remember I'm the spoiled American. That's what I heard most of my life because I'm second and like I said second generation coming you know born and raised here

different

it's a whole different with the first generation and they have their thing too like I have spoken to many other um guests that are first generation like you come here at 8 years old 10 years old 14 years old and that your stories are are diff different than mine but it's all about having us be heard validated and understanding, especially if you claim the name of Christ, that God made us that whole, like you said, Cindy.

And so to me, what I saw is that if they even took a breath to feel the fields, their fear was to break into a billion pieces and then they can't be resilient to work their tails off to earn the money to be able to survive and also bring send the money back to their country,

right? Because that's a whole different mindset that many Americans don't understand because we're born here. where we have the privilege of being an American, which you know I am very I and that's the thing because I always felt neither part because at home I'm a Latina

and then and then but in the streets or at the schools or anything I'm an American and so it was so hard to like oh my I you know one culture would tell me I'm not enough of this and the other culture would tell me I'm not enough of that and then I'm looking around and I don't see people like me and anyway Okay.

For you and and you I mean your resiliency because that's what you're talking about Cindy is the resiliency that we are needing nowadays especially being a mama especially having understanding the you know did you ever take the ACE test the adverse childhood experience uh test 10 questions.

Um, I think I've done it before, but a very long time ago, so I don't know what my score is, but I know I think I probably did it for when I went to therapy because I think that was like part of it.

But, um, I don't remember what my score was, but

I will put it in the show notes. And I'm just It's a tool I used with every client, no matter who it is. And that's something that I think all medical professionals should use. It's a it's a study that's been around for decades, but it's just 10 simple questions.

And the higher the score, the more likely you may develop um like what we were talking about, physical ailments, mental illness, uh and stuff like that. And I like to say that it's not mental illness to me. It's brain health.

That's Dr. D um Dr. or Aean, Daniel Aemon's uh verbiage because

Oh, I love that

to understand that's an organ that's like, you know what I mean? It's like the computer motherboard and everything else flows from that,

right? Yeah.

And so like anxiety and depression and guilt and shame, these are all symptoms,

right?

And to get to the root cause. So, I know that you you developed uh discovered a three-step process that helped you release guilt and become more present. What was the aha moment that led create creating this method? I want to know.

Yeah. Um, so I would love to say that there was like one specific moment where I felt like, oh, this was it. But actually that that I didn't have one specific moment. But when I looked back at how I made it through that period of dealing with so much guilt and having anxiety, I realized that the same things that I was doing where the Lord was able to heal me through all of my trauma.

So what my three-step process is renewing and that the and in the Bible it says in Romans uh two I believe it says to renew our mind. Right? So I think there's power in reframing our thoughts and capturing the thoughts that are negative or that are not helpful and kind of renewing it.

I mean I'm a believer so I'm renewing it with God's word you know. Um so that's one is reframing our mind and our thought process. So um let's say for example you know you have a moment where you scream at your child right and then you just start shaming and blaming yourself and all of these things just start coming.

So for me it would be okay I'm going to take a step back. I'm going to take a deep breath and I'm going to say well are these thoughts true? I'm going to compare it to God's word. Is that what God says about me?

You know, so that's the renewing part. And then the second step is abiding. And abiding is really staying connected to the vine. In John 15, um, God talks about, you know, that he is the vine and we are the branches and we can do nothing without him.

M

so I think be having that connection being abided stayed plugged in to the source really it helps us in those moment be able to renew our minds because we know God's word because we're abiding in him right um it also allows the Holy Spirit welcomes the Holy Spirit because we're connected to intervene when we are going through these situations and then the third step is connecting um I really encourage moms moms, believers, anyone really to find

community and connection because one of the um weapons of the enemy is he wants to make us think that we are the only ones going through whatever we are going through.

So motherhood even when we're surrounded by other people, motherhood can feel so lonely,

right? But I promise you, there are other moms out there that are going through the same thing that you're going through, that have gone through the same thing that you're going through. So, I think it's so important to find connection and surround ourselves with other moms, other believers that can relate, that can pray with us, that can encourage us, that can help us carry our burdens.

Like the Bible talks about help to carry each other's burdens, like that can help us carry our burdens. Um, and I really think that that those three steps can help us be more intentional and more present in our motherhood.

Yeah. No, for sure, Cindy. Like you you you name this is what I love is that you are naming it and giving it um the verbiage that is needed because we feel these things, right? Right. And then but we just don't know how to get it out of us in order to look at it in a healthy manner with

you know you're naming it and and and we have to remind the audience that as believers in Jesus Christ we need to understand the enemy's only job is to steal, kill and destroy.

Right?

All everything steal, kill and destroy. Steal. Think about that. Steal, kill and destroy. What? Relationships with others. relationships within ourselves and that's how anxiet and this is how I reframe it like you said I love it where you said yeah reframe renewing of the mind for real Cindy like it is understanding like oh the minute you're feeling that loneliness or that anxiety or that guilt and the shame you have to ask that question is this from God or is this from the world

right yeah

you know so what were what were your help through this besides you know the word of God because that to me is number one. You have to take everything every thought captive to Christ,

right?

But community, I know when back in the day I was overwhelmed, I felt lonely, you know, and and because I have CPTTSD, too. I have complex I I don't have it. I wrestle with it.

Okay. I wrestle with it. And due to my own stuff, right, you will sit there alone and going, "No one gets it. No one understands." I mean, sometimes I have imposter syndrome. I I you know, I sometimes I look at myself with the letters and I'm sitting there like, "Who is that?"

Yeah.

We all do.

Yeah. Well, especially when you have CPTSD

because that is why it's really, really important to understand who you are in Christ. But what else helped you? Were there books? Were there was there a community? I know with me it was MOPS, mothers of preschoolers. Um,

that was a thing that that was in the '9s, midnight. Oh my gosh. No, it's

in the 1900s.

It's actually still a thing, believe it or not. I actually Yeah, they they rebranded. So there it's called Mom's Co. Now, I actually just recently found out about that group. Yes. So I was like, "Oh, I could recommend people." I was like, "I'm going to join the local one."

Like I I didn't even know about it.

Um,

mom. Yeah. So, it's called Momco now instead of MOPS, but it's still MOPS. Yes, I know why.

Because they they took out the preschooler part so that you can

Yeah. Your your child doesn't have to be in preschool.

Oh, Cindy.

Still be part of the group. You know what I mean?

Well, first of all, I have to reframe again because I didn't do the mops until River was born. So, that was after 1999. So, see, don't when you get Make sure you like take care of your brain right now, ladies, if you're younger than 50, please.

And then uh I thought they changed it because of the word mops. Like wait, you got to put moms are not gonna come here if they're thinking mops.

Yeah,

that does sound kind of but it was mom of preschoolers. So they took out the preschooler part and changed it to momco now. So yeah, that's so cool.

It is. It is still there. And yes, it is so awesome. I I actually went to one of their meetings for the very first time um recently. So yeah, that that was uh nice. But I would say yes, definitely community.

Um, also learning to to take a step back cuz I think as moms we want to take it all, you know, we want to do it all, but also be willing to take a step back and kind of fill your cup too, you know what I mean?

Oh yeah.

Um,

instead of going going, um, being okay with delegating, be okay with asking for help, being okay with taking time to restore yourself, you know, whether it is like spending time in nature. I don't know, whatever fills your cup. You know, for me, I love going on prayer walks.

Um, I love listening to worship music, even if it's a small thing. Um, I love to tell people, you know, maybe do like a a a daily kind of um refresher, like maybe dancing, singing, whatever that is. So, that's daily. And then try something like weekly that can fill your cup, you know, maybe going to the beach or something like that.

Um, and then something monthly, you know, um, just if because I think if we take the time to actually schedule those things, then it's more likely to happen, right? I mean, I know we're moms, so our schedule has to be flexible, but just like we make an appointment to go to the doctor, we make an appointment to go to the gym, whatever it is, like put it on your calendar.

Prioritize you, too, you know?

But there's that guilt, Cindy. And I know it's still happening because I mean I'm busy right with with and Cindy you're listen like you're right and I and it's it's it's easy for younger people with the children now because remember I have daughters with the kids.

Oh that's easy for you because you are empty nest. You have the time. But I have to tell you right and I think this is what you're getting at is that if you don't make the time for your wellness you're going to be forced to make time for your illness.

Yes. Oh that's so good. That is so good. And yes, that is the point is if you don't take the time now, then you're going to pay for it later on. So, you can choose to prioritize now and make the time now. Um or later on in life, you will, you know, feel burnt out.

You will, you know, have those anxiety and all the, you know, like it's it starts in small increments. And preventative care can start in small increments, too. you know, like you could start with the small stuff to not get to the burnout situation, to not get to the anxiety, you know.

Um, so it's important to prioritize that so that we can have

sometimes for ourselves to refuel ourselves so that we can pour better into our family, pour better into our kids, work better at at, you know, like perform better at work, whatever it is, you know, um, if you still if you are a mom that goes to work.

But um I think that was for me like you know those three things but also finding time for myself and not feeling guilty that I'm taking care of the body that God gave me. You know that's me being a good steward of the body that God gave me.

But that's what we're told Cindy in our cultures especially like you can rest when you die.

I don't know how many times I heard that.

Oh yeah.

Yeah. No it's a reframe right Cindy. How did you reframe that? Because I know like when you hear that and then that heavy it is a lot of guilt and I remember it like back in the day it's like wait no do do but I'm doing this for I'm doing this for the Lord I'm doing this for the church I'm doing this I'm doing it and I'm doing it and we're so in Martha mode

right it's all Martha mode so let's talk a little bit about that because I think we talked about that in your episode over so

we we did and yes you are so right and that that was me too I'm not going to say that I I wasn't there. I was, you know, I'm a recovering people pleaser. So, for me,

it was like, what can I do so that people could like me and love me,

you know, I wanted to do all the things. I wanted to be everywhere and do all the things for everybody else. Then when the Lord started shifting things in me, I realized, oh, it's not a performancebased mindset, which is what I had, right?

It was like, what can I do so people could like me and love me and I could feel I could be invited? I could feel like I'm I'm included, you know?

So, instead of that performance-based mindset, um, it was turned into a surrenderbased mindset. And what I mean is instead of asking what can I do so people could like me, I would just ask what can I do to please God.

Oo, another one that we got to repeat.

Yeah. So instead of asking what can I do for people to like me, I would say what can I do to please God? And sometimes we think filling our schedule with Christian things

is what is pleasing to God. No,

but just doing good things, it does not mean that we're doing God things.

Yes. you know, so we can volunteer all the hours at church, be part of all the ministries at church, do all the Bible studies, and sometimes I even ask moms, well, are you just filling your schedule because you don't like spending time by like why is it that you feel like you have to fill up your whole schedule?

There cannot be any time for you at all. Why is that? Like I think that's something that we have to reflect on like what is the true reason that I I feel like I have to fill up my schedule every single inch of it.

Yes.

Well, when we take the time to step back and say, "Oh, like why is it that I can't?" Cuz for me, I realized like I was trying to do all the things because I wanted people to like me and love me. I wanted to feel accepted.

I grew up in a household where more my dad never hugged me, said I love you or things like that. So I know where it comes from. But I can also recognize that the Lord loves me. I'm already loved.

Which is really my passion is to make sure that every single woman knows how truly loved they are. that the God of the universe, the person who created the world, the stars, the galaxies, he created you and he sent his son to die on the cross for you just where you are.

You don't have to perform. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to do anything. And you are already perfectly unconditionally loved. My goodness, Cindy, that's what we all need to hear and I needed to be reminded of. There's a book that I read called The Gift of Being Yourself

and in it, it did a real and I'm like, "Oh, this is wonderful." I'm trying to remember the author, but I'll put it in the show notes.

And he state he made a statement saying, "Do you have pride that's disguised as service?"

Oh,

and that will convict you. And I was and I was fasting that day and I was sitting reading books, you know, fasting and praying and reading the word and reading this book and that punched me in the stomach so hard and I was like, "Oh my goodness, and I needed that because that's another thing, Cindy.

It's easy for us to be alone with these thoughts of we're doing the Christian work, right?" Yeah. And you just named did you stop to figure out are you doing it for

um with God or are you doing it for God? It's two different things

to do it for God and to do it with God because with God means you need to sit at the foot of Jesus like Mary did

right and take that

it's true and I think sometimes we think because there's a label of it being Christian then that means we have to do it well.

Oh yeah. And that that could be the reason why you feel so overwhelmed is because you have so many things on your schedule, but you never consulted God and asked God like, "Do I need to be doing this? Does this need to be on my schedule?"

Maybe the Lord never asked you to do all of these things, but you didn't even consult with the Lord. You just said, "Hey, you know, this is a good thing, so I'm going to go ahead and do it." You know,

um, this is a Christian thing, so I'm going to go ahead and do it.

Like, I'm going to sign up for five Bible studies because this is a Christian thing to do. Do you really need to be in Yeah. Well, do you really need to to be in five Bible studies? You really need to teach, you know, like what has the Lord called you to do,

right?

Cuz you might be in this season in your life where your main ministry is just raising your children. And that is that is holy work.

Being at home doing the mundane things, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, that is holy work. That's what the Lord has called you to do.

Because let me tell you,

that's what you do,

Cindy. Like in the midst of it, you don't think that your children would grow up and and and leave.

Oh no.

Oh. [snorts] Oh man.

See, mom still and the thing is

always Yeah.

And not every and I have to say this, not every woman is meant to be a mother. And that's okay, too.

Yeah. I need to I need to let them understand that because there is a lot of guilt and shame that the world that's why I keep saying

to to take that step back and ask where is this information this story this narrative practicing the pause where is that coming from

but the time you have with your children we think it's like oh I'm exhausted I'm exhausted I'm exhausted and I remember the exhaustion

it's taking that step back and going, "How do I become in this present moment right now?" Cuz that might be the only time I have.

Yeah, it's true. You know, it's so true.

And I think that is such a good thing and a good a way to be present and intentional in our motherhood is to realize that even the small things that we do daily that we might take for granted, that we might even look at it's a burden, um, the Lord sees it as holy work.

The Lord sees it as no, like you're glorifying me through these things that you're doing because you are discipling. You are raising the next generation of disciples. I think one of the things right now in our society that really breaks my heart is that

they're saying that children are a burden or or being a mom is and I'm like no. Like the Lord says that children are a gift from the Lord. You know, like

yes,

it breaks my heart that our society is trying to shift that way that that motherhood is not saying that everybody has to be a mom, but if if the Lord has blessed you in that way, then you are called to have this role and you are called to raise the next generation of disciple of disciples.

But I I think that's another thing is reframing our mind towards what society is saying because we tend to be on social media and comparing ourselves. Oh, well, she's single. She can go out and do all she has the freedom of time. She has the freedom to do this and blah blah blah blah. [gasps] And I'm like, the Lord, if the Lord has blessed you with a child, trust me, that is a blessing.

It is not a burden. Children are a gift from the Lord. They are not a burden.

Yeah.

And we take that for granted sometimes.

Yes, we do. And it's also understanding that if you do feel that, if you do feel that, where is that coming from? Because sometimes remember there's chemical imbalances like uh your estrogen levels have gone off the you know because depression pardon depression is a real thing.

These things we're feeling are real things. And we're Cindy and I are trying to help you understand that you're not alone in these things,

right?

And that there is help because that is another thing we feel like, oh no, now I feel guilty because I do see them as a burden. And it's like, okay, it's understand becoming a curious observer of yourself and going, why? Why do I?

Sometimes, guess what, Cindy? It's unhealed subconscious in the back of your brain

trauma,

right? All of a sudden, you're seeing your four-year-old and all of a sudden your inner four-year-old is going competing with the four. It's I've seen some most bizarre things happen. And it's not bizarre. It's just how human nature develops in this culture at this time because we could sit there and compare ourselves a hundred years ago. um our uh the the generation or the village that raised us can sit there and say, "You have no clue what trauma is.

I came from this country or I came from this place and you have no idea." You know, baby boomers could blame Gen X. Gen X could blame the next generation that you know uh you know, right until someone stops it. And that's where I think you and I are trying to take [clears throat] that pause and step back going,

let's point to what the word of God actually says

and not what human beings took the word of God to mean to so we can

control you as women or control you as mothers. So, I want to know what are some of the other other things that you utilize that you did for yourself or you do as a coach?

Um, so through one-on-one coaching, I really kind of assess, you know, personally and and you are welcome to um, you know, do like a discovery call, like a 30-minute discovery call with me, but I really just kind of assess like where you are.

Um, and I think that the one of the things that I make very clear at the beginning is that I am a coach. I'm here to support you. I'm here to um help you work through what you want things to look like in the future, but I cannot help you with your past traumas.

I do not do any psychotherapy. like I know what my scope of practice is and I make it very clear from the beginning that I can help support you, set goals, um if you need someone just to talk to and you don't have any like past traumas or anything that you need to work through through a therapy, then I'm your girl.

You know, I will be there for that. Um, at the same time I make it very very clear that sometimes I do have to turn people away and say I would love to be here and support you but I cannot be the main person because you need therapy.

You need to go to counseling. You know what I mean? And if you want me to be axillary to that, I can. But I cannot help you in this manner because you are, you know, you have a lot of past trauma or you look like you might be having postpartum depression.

So you need to go to counseling and really seek [clears throat]

a help that I cannot provide. That would be a disservice. That would be unethical for me to take you on and say, "Yeah, I could help you

if I don't I don't have the skill set to do that." You know what I mean?

Um,

but I I just I've truly just helped moms just walk through

and learn how to sit in their feelings and process their feelings and really set goals for the future. Well, what do you want your motherhood to look like in the future? You know what I mean?

Um, what can we do to make it so that you're more intentional and more present as a mom?

Um,

so that's that that's what we do. I I kind of help them walk through like these three things. Um because I really feel like if you are learning to be closer to the Lord, if you are renewing your mind, um if you are connecting with other Christian and other believers,

you know, then I feel like the Holy Spirit can help you turn things around, you know, I just see myself as a vessel, as an agent to kind of facilitate the Holy Spirit to do a work. I It's going to be you and the Lord doing most of the work. you know, I'm just here to kind of guide you,

you know.

Um,

so that's yeah, that's the way that I I see what I do as a coach is I'm here to guide you. And it's especially if you're like a new believer, right? I think sometimes we might be lacking like mentors or discip or or disciplehip in our own church.

And that's what coaching is there for as a Christian life coach. Like that's what I'm here for. like I'm here to like help mentor you and guide you um through life, you know.

Yeah, we need each other. And Cindy, this is why I try to break the stigma on that, too, because you know, like I've had these conversations with other colleagues and they're like, well, the coaches are, you know, it's the wild wild west out there.

And I'm like, no, you have to understand that if the coach is coming in the attention of the heart, because to me, any listener, you could hire a coach for everything nowadays. There is.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. there's alcohol, you know, to quit alcohol. I mean, there's so many different layers, but I don't see it as competition whatsoever or when the coach understands their I also have my

my my my narrow road that I can practice in honestly because I don't take everybody do you have to do a 15-minute consultation with me because I it's first do no harm. I mean, you're a nurse, you understand it's first do no harm. your intention is to walk along.

This is what I'm hearing to walk alongside a mom because it's not like you're going to go with a grandma or whatever like or somebody like it's the mom.

I'm sure you probably have deliverables after you know you work with them to give them like um

um accountability

right in between sessions. Yeah. Because I had a business coach.

There's homework. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. There there's there's some homework,

right? Because

I mean people kind of shy away from the homework bar, but it's truly just to hold you accountable. I mean, if you are hiring me to help you with this, you also have to be willing to put in the work. You know what I mean?

You have to pick up the tool set and and build something because that's the whole point you would pay her or me. Like

it's like, you know, and sometimes, honestly, they might just need a place, a safe space to work whatever situation out that they're not judged. that they're not, you know what I mean? Because they don't want to put the burden on the girlfriends or their or their significant others or their children because that's a thing too where you parentify the child or you you know what I mean by that.

Parentify the child where the child becomes like the best friend of the parent.

Yeah. They're Yeah. They're like telling them all their Yes, I know. I know. But no, it is it's it is it's kind of like a safe space for people too, you know, because

I do think sometimes it's um

sometimes it's not even just that you don't want to put the burden. Sometimes you just

don't want to share that those deep thoughts and feelings, you just don't want to share it with people that you know. So sometimes it's kind of safer to share it with like a coach, you know, or a therapist. Um, so yeah, so it is it's it's a safe space for them to be open about their thoughts, their emotions, whatever they're feeling or going through right now.

Um, but

yeah, you're right. I do um, you know, after the call I send them like, you know, this is what we talked about. This is, you know, the next steps that we talked about taking and this is something that we work on together. It's not like me I'm telling you what to do.

Like no, I cannot tell you what to do. You are a grown adult. I can uh tell you what I've seen worked. Um, I can give you suggestions, but then you choose what next steps you're going to take. You know, you choose what goals you want to set.

I can't set your goals for you. Um, I can just be that guiding light for you and say, "Hey, you know, like

maybe this would be a good thing and maybe that would be a good thing." And then you choose and say, "Oh, yeah, you're right." And then you and the Lord too, you go and Lord, should I be taking this step? Should I be setting this goal?

Like the Lord will guide you, you know.

Yes. Well, we got to listen first, though, because sometimes we think we're being guided by the Lord and like we said before, we're just guided by our own ego.

And and that's when we need to make sure we take that time for ourselves with us and the Lord, you know, cuz I think that's one of the things I see with moms is they want to go go. Um working moms, they want to go go.

You know, I have school, I have the kids practice, I have this, I have that. And I'm like, yeah, but are you taking time for you to just spend with the Lord? like

and they're like, "Oh, but I could I could hear from the Lord while I'm moving, while I'm going." And I'm like, "Yes, that's true. You can, but

are you really sitting down and taking time to really hear?" Because even Jesus,

who's God? Jesus took time

to go in solitude.

Yes.

So, if Jesus withdrew from from the Yeah. reach through to the lonely places to pray.

Who are we to say no, we don't need to stop and pray and spend some alone time with the Lord, you know?

So, yeah, cuz I Yeah, that's in Luke. Yeah, in Luke 5, it talks about how the the Lord withdrew often often. It says often that he withdrew and went to places of solitude just to spend time with the Lord. So,

well, I think that's what the Sabbath is about. and and and we we are able like you know, well, no, I don't have time. I have to go to church. And I'm like, yeah, see, you're mistaking to me. I And that's just a cultural thing.

I I've seen it. I've I've I've done it. I've been there. I look at it now. And I'm just like, yeah, we need community.

But what happens is the church has become um so Americanized I I don't I don't know how else to say westernized into a place where it's now a business instead of the Sabbath respecting the Sabbath to really sit still with God in prayer not all of them because I don't know all you know all thousands of denominations out there that claim the name of Jesus you know or the different you know buildings but I do understand

what I have seen and heard and experienced myself and study because I do a lot of studying and and that's the thing it's like you if you hear my voice and you it might be around the world Cindy I don't know who's listening like it's not just here in Florida but it's like how do we take time you know to listen and I think that's where breathing breath work because that's what I do in my practice

is breath work

reading the word in context and the reason I keep saying in context because sometimes we take the word of God just to justify what we're doing to others.

Oh, that's so good. Yes, that is so [gasps] and and not even just to justify and you know, you asked me earlier about books. So, one one book that really impacted my walk and I actually recently read it, but it's called um Women of the Word and it it's really uh it gives you a different perspective about how to read the Bible.

Um

because it talks about how sometimes you read the Bible like it's um like it's a prescription like we're just looking for a fix for whatever we're going through right now. Wow.

So it's it's really it's by Jen Jen Allen. So you Yeah, it's you you really should go read that book. And then um one in my earlier um years is Uninvited by Lisa Turkis. Um that was a really good book that that really made me realize um

my people pleasing tendencies.

Yeah.

Um

which we call

Yeah. And whereing Yeah. And really where that stems from. So that that those two books I would say um are books that I would uh recommend. But yes, I love that you said that because it's so true that we can pick and choose sometimes or other people can also pick and choose sometimes just to make it sound like what they want it to sound like and is it really what the Lord was saying, you know, at that time.

So yes, it is important to read in context for sure.

Yeah. and be still and and know that um he is God and and being still is the scary part sometimes especially if we've have a high a score

is that's where when you are that's why we become busy how many of us is because staying busy we don't have to think of the pain we're carrying

and that and that right there is really important so to me like you can actually work with both of us Cindy with the mom stuff because that's not my thing like I I mean it is I think I'm a mom. Hello. You know what I mean?

But but to to get the goals in the future of having like okay she will have give you deliverables of like here's ABC like let's figure this out together it is. And with me I just challenge the thoughts. I'm a mirror with a lot of tools because I've been doing this a long time and working together.

I mean I think maybe that's something we can do together in the future Cindy of having a workshop or something like that. All right, we'll figure that out after we press stop. Um,

for sure.

Is there a maybe, you know, sometimes because we are busy moms, uh, we're looking for quick hacks, quick life hacks, you know, to do a deeper heart work. Can you share maybe one hack or one mindset shift that's been a game changer for you or or maybe another, you know, a couple tools that you realize like this is something that's important or I don't know, whatever comes to mind.

Yeah. I mean, the mindset shift, I think really the game changer for as far as the mindset shift was the the people, you know, the performance-based mindset and then changing it to the surrendered based mindset.

Um,

but I will say that some of the lies that I see most often that we believe as moms is I'm not enough.

And to that I say, you know, yeah, that might be true that you're not enough, but guess what? the Lord can equip you and strengthen you. He says that his power is actually stronger in our weaknesses.

So I think we have to learn that when we feel like we don't have the skill set or or whatever that we might need, we need to learn to lean on the spirit because God will equip us, God will be our strength, he will be whatever we need at that time.

Um, especially in motherhood, you know, like sometimes with a man like it's this is a lot, Lord. This is a lot. What do I do with all of this? And

I say, lay it at his feet. Give it to him. Surrender it to him.

It's hard to surrender when we want to control because sometimes we feel like if we let go, we lose all control and then we get, you know, I mean, that's the fear.

Yeah. And and guess what? I had to realize that I'm not in control anyway. that he's the one that's in control,

right? And that's why we need him because I think we forget like, hello. We're trying to be perfect. We're striving. We're trying to please everybody. And and and what's coming to me is Galatians 1:10. Am I here to please people or to please God?

Because if pleasing people were my goal, I wouldn't be a servant of Christ. Am I taking that out of context? I don't know. But that's my mantra.

No, I I I say that all the time to people because it's true. It is true. Like am I here to just show off for people and get their approval or am I here

for the audience of one

for the one that truly matters you know

and that's why we need him because we're not perfect

we're not we're not perfect and are we enough is I don't even know what the word means anymore enough like what enough for what for this culture for that culture like if I go to a different country for that one is it for my age group for for this generation like what do you mean enough?

So that's something you really have to do a a reframe and mindset shift and understand oh this is why we need Jesus. This is why we need to follow his example. This is why we need to surrender and be still

man. Yeah

girl I could talk to you for another 10 hours.

I know. No, I I love this conversation. This is awesome.

Yeah. But I

can I just say I do love that you just said like you know enough with web because I think another thing another trap that we fall into is comparing ourselves to other moms right either the social media mom or the perfect mom perfect and quotation moms perfect mom at church right like her kids are always well behaved so we start comparing our children to the perfect mom's children we start comparing our motherhood to the other mom and it's like no the Lord has given giving you your own journey.

Walk your own path. You don't have to look to the left or to the light right. Just look to Jesus. You know, let him be your example. Let him be your guiding light. Let him be the mirror that you're comparing yourself to. Not the people to the left or your right.

Because the Lord has given each one of us our own path and our own journey to walk through.

Oh, that's so good. That's so good, Cindy. So, as we close off this episode together, um, and you and there's a mom right now listening and feels really weighed down by guilt today,

what what's what's one piece of encouragement or biblical truth you really want her to carry away with right now?

I would say you are not alone. I think it's important to know that, you know, that you're not alone. You're not the only one going through it. We all as moms deal with mom guilt and it's okay. It's okay that you're dealing with it.

Um the enemy wants to keep us isolated. He wants us to stay stuck and the cycle of guilt and shame. And like you mentioned earlier in John 10:10 it says the enemy has come to kill, steal and destroy. But later part in that verse it says but Jesus came to give us life and life to the fool.

[sighs]

I love

to the full. How can we live life to the full if we are bound by guilt and shame?

That's living in bondage. That's not living in freedom.

So, we can't live a full life

if we are constantly weighed down by guilt and shame.

In Romans 8:1, it says, "Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Wow.

You are perfectly loved. You are free, mama. Walk in freedom.

Wow. Wow. Cindy, that's a great way to Okay, we're going to stop it right there. If somebody wants to work with you, can they work with you globally? Like say someone over in China that's that speaks English or you'll do it on Google Translate.

I don't know.

Yeah. Someone work with you?

Yeah. I mean, I Yeah, I'm okay. I'm open with um working globally. I do have, you know, the my contracts and everything in is in English. So you do have to speak English. That is one thing. But I am here to guide you and support you.

You can go to ww.livelo.com and you will find all of the resources there. How can you work oneon-one for coaching? There's also a three free 3-day devotional on there for moms. So you can uh click on that.

Um and then I also have the podcast. You can come and listen to the podcast. That is free resource for you.

Start with episode 75.

Yes. There you go. It's called the Live Love on Podcast. Yes, Diana did such a beautiful job. I mean, the Lord just had that conversation just laid out for the perfect moment in time that we were in. Um, and I'm so thankful for that.

But yes, definitely start with episode 75. And yeah, come check out the podcast. I'm also on Instagram, live. Um, let's connect, you know, and I would love to hear from you. Um, if you have heard this episode from Nan, let me know, you know, where you heard me heard it from.

Um, yeah. Thank you so much for having me on, Diana.

Yeah, Cindy, I can't wait to hopefully um collaborate again in the future.

Collaborate more. Yes.

Yeah. All right. And listener, please do not forget to trust in the Lord, guard your heart, and renew your mind.

Bye.

Yeah. Bye.

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