Breaking Bonds, Building Trust: Inside the Therapy Room with an Infidelity Specialist

hello there fearfully and wonderfully made human today on the holistic counselor podcast I have Cassandra Thompson a compassionate and dedicated therapist with a wealth of expertise in guiding individuals and couples through life's challenges armed with a master's degree in clinical mental health counseling she brings a potent blend of academic knowledge and practical experience to her practice with a specialization in reducing conflict enhancing communication oops enhancing communication and rebuilding trust Cassandra is a certified level one gotman

method therapist correct it's not certified it's just level one gotman okay gotman Institute has some rules on that oh okay no worries no worries but you studied that and that's really I never did so I have no clue what that is so all right her training extends to gottman's PTSD and Affair recovery yes is that correct okay making her a trusted Ally for those navigating the painful aftermath of infidelity Cassandra's passion lies in fostering healthy relationships

whether it's marital or premarital issues family conflicts or the unique stresses of motherhood she provides a supportive and nurturing environment for her clients to explore and grow her approach is grounded in research based tools ensuring tangible changes and Lasting results having trans transitioned from the Brower County school system as a therapist to the Coral Springs Counseling Center Cassandra now focuses on couples counseling with a profound and very important emphasis on in like infidelity I'm still like

overwhelmed on that because I'm like wow someone I've never met any therapist at all that focuses on that and we met through a chance encounter at the St Ambrose Carnival in Deerfield Beach years ago when I recognized her husband Eric who I have not seen in decades yes because the last time I saw him he was probably six years old babies yeah he was a baby because I was his sister's preschool teacher and so Tara and

so um all of a sudden I'm just like Eric cuz I never forget a a kid's face especially if I was their teacher right and Eric used to be coming in to pick up his little sister and little sister I always got that confused too cuz that was like you know 30 years ago all right I just vintaged myself anyways Cassandra's presence in her community extends Beyond her professional Ro role as a neighbor she brings warmth

and empathy to her interactions embodying the values of understanding and connection it's with great pleasure that we welcome Cassandra an invaluable resource and Beacon of Hope for those seeking guidance and healing so girl that's this is going to be the first first first question why did you become a therapist who specialized in infidelity so it kind of just came about let's say that I um I trickled into a couple different things before I kind of landed

back in therapy you know my undergrads actually in Communications oh and then um after some time self-reflection I was like you know I really love this idea of being a therapist so I went back to school for it for a master's degree and I just feel like that was my calling it was it was set up that way this is my calling and then I found myself into seeing couples therapy okay and then we saw the

need for you know infidelity for hard and it's really a unique like system to navigate because you can't just treat it and like regular coup's therapy you know it's really sensitive um you want to make sure no one's feeling blamed it's really hard to stay on bias in that situation so you know taking some training learning about it you know really making that effort to make sure I'm that educated person to be able to provide that

best um you know treatment plan right for that um it really was just it was a need and I really enjoy it really I I've seen couples heal from it and you know make their way and you know keep the families and stuff so when you see success you know it's a really cool feeling too oh that's wonderful I mean like like you're right that's something that's needed like I people are like why don't you do

I've been married you know for a while and why don't you I'm like no I still need couple therapy even though I'm with this dude for 30 years we all do all right but but all right so tell me well let's go back a little because before you went into couple therapy you were working at at dearil high and and what was the other school you said do Douglas okay and that's a whole different brief cuz

that me too I mean I was working on at an alternative school for brow County so as a therapist and that right there it's like has nothing to do with infidelity or what I do now either so it's just like why how was that for you let's just talk a little bit it was good I you know the students are amazing um you know I was more on this crisis team so you know so I I

dealt a lot with stowman Douglas and de to high had a lot of Crisis situations going on um so it was consistent crisis you know navigating short-term therapy um and it was it was fine it was great I learned a lot yes um and then I found this opportunity to join Coral Springs Counseling Center and again it just kind of felt my gut like this was right good and um I did have a lot of experience

with family you know with children is a lot of family counseling and th couples's therapy is a lot of family counseling in a sense you know more than one person navigating the conversation and it it just fit and I I took the leap of faith to join Pate practice and I will never turn back yeah I hear you like I mean I kind of feel because you know when you're there for so long and then you

see the need too right but I'm just like oh I you know I don't take teens at all anymore yeah you know that was my specialty adolescence that is right I remember you telling me that that was all I ever did I I'm like I'm not getting adults if you're over 18 forget it you know but now it's like it's sh well it's you know I've been in it you know when you're in it for a

while it's time to change and you see things um grow and just all right so and you're a qualified supervisor as well I am yeah I am I have one intern right now oh nice love her but good good all right so am I so oh okay yeah yeah um all right so can you define what constitutes infidelity and how do you approach a fair recovery from a holistic perspective you know what I mean because infidelity

what I hear from others or just people that I know that have experienced it it's like I did not let me think about Bill Clinton I do not have relations with that you know I'm like okay some people would say that was infidelity others don't I mean so what how do you um Define define it so I see infidelity as emotional or sexual any kind of intimacy outside the agreed upon terms of your relationship um and

every relationship kind of defines it differently so when you know some people come in for you know a fairy recovery kind of counseling you know I ask them you know do we can can I use the word Affair or what word is comfortable can we say cheating is it just I'm stepping out of the relationship are you both on the same page with this does one person think you cheated and the other person thinks that doesn't

count as cheating so each couple it kind of gets defined in the session know wow what does this look like who defines it as cheating who doesn't is this a word that we're triggered by are we okay with this and go from there okay all right that makes sense that agreed upon I mean you're right because every couple cuz there's open couples out there they're swinging I mean do you deal with them all I think one

couple that had some swinging came in um and they were still kind of figuring out what they thought was cheating or not so um I don't have that deep of practice with couples that swing but you or polyamorous because I know couples out or they're not they're thres yeah right I think it's just defined on if you know what do you have the issue with okay you know do you see it as this was outside our

greed upon okay boundaries kind of thing you know and if and then it kind of breaks down to trust you know is this breaking trust and how do we kind of rebuild the trust in in that sense even if it's not just one you know man and woman or anything like that or thres it's the trust that's what we're looking at okay that that makes so much sense the trust and the respect right and so all

right and so how they Define it so how do you how does faith intersect with a fair recovery and and what role does spirituality play in healing for betrayal so I I do see a lot of faith-based individuals with Affairs because a lot of the times the spirituality religion kind of pushes that person to not run to the attorney office you know like that's what Society tells you you cheat you leave and you could say that

as much as you want before it actually happens to you and then when it actually happens to you you take a minute and you say I have a family we have kids we have a life together it's all of those other layers that make it a little bit more complicated and then when you the faith intersects because you kind of look at your values and you say am I supposed to leave is this aligning with my

values you know what what is my faith telling me to do um and sometimes that says leave sometimes that says let me work on it um there's a whole level with forgiveness too does your faith say You're supposed to forgive is there a boundary with that what does this forgiveness look like how far do I need to push myself to say okay I'm trying to forgive but I can or I can't right and then there's this

aspect of can I forgive myself you know that all kind of aligns with our values and faith and and what am I supposed to do when you cheat or when someone gets cheated on it becomes a lot of an identity crisis wow yeah you know like what did I just do who am I am I not the person I thought I was because I did step out of my relationship and and then if you got cheated

on like my whole world just crumbled in front of me and I can't trust my own eyes what I can't trust this person when I had no idea you know things like that so when you have identity crisis we tend to fall back on our values okay and faith is part of values you know it's what do I value what do I see as important what do I see as right vers wrong okay um so it

actually intersects a lot with with a fair recovery I I bet I mean I could see in different whatever religion or Dogma too you know I mean it's like how do you as the therapist say a couple comes in I mean it must take a few sessions to really bring out the actual truth do you see where I'm getting at yeah so that's that's kind of part of the process is that first session I try to

lay down the law okay in regards to we need to commit to transparency that's the number one thing you know if whatever needs to be told to one another needs to be told to one another wow we're not going to go 10 sessions in and then we find out more is happening more has happened we need to kind of really open up and be honest surrender to this process trust that if we am honest this person

will be willing to look at maybe not even say I I'm sure I want to keep working on this relationship I get that a lot too you know someone comes in they're like I don't know what I want to do and I'm like that's okay this is part of the process let's find clarity on how we want to proceed so we go ahead no I was going to say when you say is there because I don't

know much about Gman so tell me a little bit about that did do you have resources or assessments that you ask because how do you get it to stay focused and in boundaries you know yeah so um the Gman the TR the what I've learned from you know the research for the Gman Institute is there's kind of a path to follow okay um you know first step is that commitment to honesty and transparency let's be real

let's everything's out on the table usually the person that steps out feels a huge sense of relief once everything is truly out on the table okay and there's no more defensiveness in a sense I mean defensiveness definitely comes back in and out but you don't feel like I'm protecting myself I'm hiding something and that kind of becomes in a sense like a shield like I have nothing to hide so I it everything's out on the table

I'm being honest I I don't feel guilt and I mean maybe feel guilt but I don't feel like I'm hiding anything and that's the first kind of steps commitment to honesty and then um I mean there's a whole process but very like a quick snippet of it is the next step is like remorse okay you really need to feel that the person that stepped out shows true remorse and it feels like I I should I messed

up it can't be that back and forth because the person that got on will feel that um and then after that then it's kind of high anxiety stage trying to heal and then that last stage is where we kind of say now what happened in the relationship what was going on and we don't do that stage till the end because we don't want the person that got cheated on got stepped out on to feel like I

was at blame I I made that person Che oh yeah and that's something that I've heard numerous times because I will work with individuals like say I won't do the couple I'm like you two go to couples's therapy and I will work with whoever is the one that wants to work individually with me to figure that stuff out but that right there what you said is like some of them or the spouse actually says well if

yeah you know what I mean if you would have done a b and c then I wouldn't have to go out of the marriage and that right there it's like how do you keep it like that's a no no yeah you know what I mean like that's probably why I can't do couple therapy cuz I'll be snatching heads I'm sorry I'm a bad therapist no no see but that genuine is what people need you know like

and I I that's my style too I just try to be genuine I'll jump in and I'll just say no no like okay you made that choice to step out and it's accountability yeah and that's where that remorse comes in the lack of defensiveness you know that's that's a Gman tool is the um antidote for defensiveness is taking accountability okay and that's like that first step is let me feel the remorse let me take accountability we're

not blaming anybody else we're saying I made this choice I don't feel bad because I hurt you I feel bad because I messed up wow you know and I hurt you you know in regards to that um yeah so and that's why I also tell that person that stepped out like your time will be heard like I get that there was things probably going on in the relationship right and and I want that person to also

feel seen you know we're going to get to that part that's that's down the line okay so I don't want you to feel like you're not ever going to feel heard like okay well this was going on in the relationship we never talked we never did this and I felt attention from this other person okay I hear you we're going to get to that but I want to make sure that this person you cheated on doesn't

feel blamed first let's let's cross that you know T do that ey first right so it's it's I would I mean honestly how many sessions do you I mean and I don't want to put a number on because sometimes couples are there for years after something yeah you know especially if here here I go with well I actually know couples like this but it's like oh the dude got some other chick pregnant it's like you know

but but the original couple still wants to work things out and now there's another baby you know it's like I I don't I I I know this because I know people not because that was of my clients CU I would not be able to that's just not my expertise right so got's PTSD in a fair recovery what is that so that's kind of that the process like I was saying that there's like certain steps like let's

take these steps first the remorse you know then looking at what happened in the relationship a little bit after then you kind of recreate the emotional connection and the reason they intertwined it with the PTSD aspect is because research also shows that the person that either got stepped out on sometimes even the person that cheats you still have very similar symptoms as PTSD yeah I can imagine yeah you're you're hypervigilant high anxiety you're coming up with

these you know in your mind they're flashbacks but they're just traumatic images because you're thinking the worst and you have a lot of the same symptoms as PTSD um and it it's traumatic yeah you know you self-identity all of that aligns with the PTSD wow but that I mean that makes a lot of sense so here we go what's your Insight on love addiction so when I hear love addiction and I mean everyone's got different opinions

on this but I hear codependency okay that makes sense yeah I mean it's what's making us addicted to love you know is it I feel codependent on that person I feel insecure I feel like I'm Addicted to Love because I don't know how to feel confident Within Myself you know I'm all about love you know I'm I understand that with you can love love but when you feel like you're addicted maybe that's more on the codependent

side okay you know am I leaning on my partner for everything for anything you know I get that you have to have a healthy lean in in a relationship but do you feel confident and secure without them there you know so that's kind of what I think when I hear love addiction right CU I mean there's love addiction and sex addiction right oh that's another one yeah and that's that's where I'm going to ask too about

that because I studied love addiction for a while I actually have a um short film hopefully coming out in the next couple years that I did a long time ago on love addiction okay and and that's it it's like nobody knew knew what that was and you're right it's like codependency but it's also what I saw was like the person in love with love but they got bored after a while and then they went to the

next and they didn't it wasn't sex they didn't want the sex it was like that emotional connection and that love it's weird I mean I've studied it and there's like a 40 question questionnaire I'll put it in the show notes if anybody's interested in seeing if they're in a love addict or not but uh yeah but the sex addiction okay cuz that is something let me tell you I know working with the teens that I did

like that addiction starts at a very young age nowadays because of our internet yeah all right back in the day you got to think about these boys had a magazine that they would pass around all right you know but we both of us just looked at the boy in in the room but it's like and then it just got more you know then you got the videotapes and the and all that but now like when I

have a 19-year-old who has erectile dysfunction in my office that's sex addiction starting at 12 years old okay so now here it comes big blindsiding the the family and it's not just men it's women becoming addicted too tell me a little bit about your experience with sex addiction as a therapist so in let's I'm going to I guess talk about it in regards to like the infidelity lens so a lot of couples come in and when

I say a lot I say a lot of couples come in saying he must be addicted to um sex or she must be addicted or it was I think the easy um fall back is he cheated be or she cheated because we're not having enough sex and I'm not going to invalidate that you know there could be definite reasons you know or people say oh we have SE different sex drives or you know and I'm not

a sex therapist so I I can't dismiss that I you know there's probably different things they could try in the bedroom kind of thing but what I look at it's not I guess with a infidelity I have not typically seen sex be the reason why Wow and that's what everyone thinks right exactly your face it's finances and sex I thought those were the top two no and that's what everyone thinks everyone's like oh it must be

about sex okay I I don't know if I've even ever had it about sex like it's never actually been about sex come across my my sessions right it's usually more about when someone says oh we're not having sex we're not having enough sex I try to figure out what's going on in the relationship you know we have to be turned on emotionally before we can get turned on downstairs right you know if there's nothing going on

if we're not connected are you sure boys have that sorry I'm so bad okay I'm sorry boys like to cuddle too I I just saw a a um a reel about that research show boys like to cuddle too but and again I'm not overgeneralizing I get that some people you know there are different you know not everyone's in the same box but it's not usually about sex it's about feeling unseen disconnected your your ego hasn't been

choked in a while you don't turn to one another anymore and that affects intimacy yeah you know so when we say you know are they addicted to sex is that why they cheated they needed more you know there's definitely some validity in that like you know as you mentioning with the the magazines versus porn you know if you if you watching porn research has showed that the more you watch it you may become what's that word

like less um right this is uh desensitized you know right or you need more and more and it's like any addiction though honestly so like you start off with you know smoking two Puffs of a marijuana joint and then you know years later you're sitting there morning noon and night yes yeah and it's the same with because it's hitting the receptors in the brain and stuff like that but it's it's or the normal bedroom stuff doesn't

seem like exciting like the porn does you know yes and that I can see this is why I cannot do therapy because that is heartbreaking to me when cuz you know I know quite a few women would compare themselves like I will never be like those women in the screen yeah yeah and and then insecurity now gets filtered into your relationship right and that's what I tend to see a lot is people that step out of

the relationship are feeling insecure about their relationship okay so there's something in the relationship going on which usually creates an emotional connection which leads to a lack of intimacy and then you I mean people may even still be being intimate when someone steps out you know there's not you know one page or the other right um so that's what I see a lot is that emotional connection disconnection will lead to more of the infidelity and will

blame it on a sex addiction oh that's what I see more okay I mean and yeah it depends on your like who comes in to you as well all right that would that that would make sense um yeah so emotional Affairs yes okay because with the rise of social media I've heard some stories of emotional Affairs people not ever touching each other ever but the emotional Affairs has caused some some stuff yeah okay have you experienced

any of that in your office and tell me what you know about what an emotional fa like you know go ahead share with me what what's up oh yeah I definitely experienced that you know that sometime I mean I I guess it's per person but a lot of times people even say emotional Affairs are more hurtful Than Physical Affairs you know there's all different types infidelity is infidelity you know that there's I that's how I treat

it infidelity is infidelity if it's emotional physical no matter if you had a relationship for a year versus you're you know chatting with somebody online if you guys Define that as infidelity then that's infidelity um and the emotional aspect people people can view as more hurtful because their partner now is investing in somebody else and they're saying but you you're not choosing me you know if it's like a one-time physical you know sexcapade or something there

you can see that in different ways you could see oh maybe it was just opportunity may they maybe they just made bad choices where when they choose every day to be emotionally involved in someone with that can feel very hurtful and I'm not saying one's better than the other you know they're both very hurtful you know with if it's just like that one time cheating too then it's you know then people kind of look at who

am I to do that you know am I am I judging myself that I stepped out like and I I needed this or something um so the emotional infidelity it's it's very common as you're you're right the internet makes it so easy right and I want to say females but I guess males too but girls are I've seen more are just lack of better words thirsty man they just go after people you know you take that

opportunity you know to accept a picture or to respond to something or you feel just or bringing a a a a blast from the past where you had a connection with that human and all of a sudden here you are on Facebook or whatever or Instagram or whatever and you're like oh and and it starts off or you know like there's already problems of Disconnect in the relationship and this person is actually listening to you right

I mean these are emotional Affairs people like that's a lot of people don't understand that either like what an em what no there's no such thing you know but I'm like no like two people like all of a sudden you're married but you enjoy the company of a human being even though you're not having sex with them the opposite sex or whatever the situation and now you're having this kind of romantic let's go out to lunch

yeah yeah you feel seen you feel heard you have someone paying attention to you you have someone that's kind of giving you that honeymoon phase yes you know that oh you I you look so good or you're so smart you're so strong strong whatever it is you know you're getting these you're getting that honeymoon kind of butterfly feeling and then what I see a lot is you justify the person who's cheating is now justifying well if

you know if my husband spoke to me this way then I wouldn't be doing this wow you know and then we start to look for that in our marriage you know like now I'm looking for negative things in my marriage I'm looking for these negative Cycles to make me feel more okay with the fact that I stepped out it's that concept of cognitive dissonance that when two things kind of conflict we don't feel like maybe our

values are saying don't step out of your marriage that's wrong cheating's bad all of those things and then but we're still doing it and it's like okay I need to come up with something so I don't feel that Clash excuse me Clash in my head I'm using my arms as I do this clash in my head see yeah um and if we have that clash in our head we have to come up with some kind of

justification to make it feel okay yeah so now we're looking at our marriage and saying this is wrong this is wrong all these things are going bad in my marriage so it makes it okay that I'm doing this and as you said maybe it's just I feel heard or someone's talking to me or I feel special I feel seen I'm I'm never going to take that step and and and meet this person in person or or

be intimate with this person and I'm not saying everybody does take that step right but if you look at it more of that addict kind of perspective mhm you know you can only sit in a barber shop so long before you get the haircut you know right right um that makes sense I mean like and so do you think that the emotional affair aspect comes first before the sexual part of it you know I don't want

to put it in one box cuz I've seen both okay you know sometimes it's opportunity that comes first and people act on it when they're feeling a certain way sometimes it is the emotional affair that comes first and you're building this relationship and like I said maybe it stops there okay maybe it is just the emotional affair and and then your partner you know and there's so many different um ways now you know you have Facebook

with direct messages you have there's you can like hide things slide into my DM ex no don't slide into my DM I'm just kidding do not slide into anything but people do people slide into all different types of DMs especially the younger generation and I say this like I'm aging myself too but like I I've learned you can like hide everything you can call from like different phone numbers and say you're the person that you want

it's just crazy like the technology so so let's go there because I want to strengthen relationships okay all right I want to you know if you're listen if you're listening to this and you're like no I just had I had the affair or um my spouse did or my significant other and here I am with this pain and suffering what would be the first thing you would say to a person that's dealing with this kind of

turmoil call me no I'm just kidding I will put all her info in the show notes but really it's so hard that pain it's like I said it feels like your whole world just got crumbled and not just for the person that got cheated on for the person that's cheating too they go through a lot of pain also um you know you asked me earlier about that holistic aspect to it it's it's emotionally draining it's physically

draining it's spiritually draining you know it's it's truly such an emotional roller coaster and that's something I want everyone to know too like you're not crazy like it's if you choose to think about it and you are so mad at your partner one day and then the next day you're like I really just need a cuddle like that's normal right it's okay to be all over the place um and I guess that's the first thing I

would say is just it's normal to feel all over the place to feel like I I don't know what I want to do next and that's when a lot of people do start you know couples counseling is just to find Clarity okay you don't have to be on board like I am sure I want to make this work to start it's more of let me figure out what I want to do okay can I so go

to counseling for that oh that's smart yeah yeah can I learn to forgive this person do I see trust as a possibility maybe you know down the future do I have enough invested that I think maybe let me try this right um so that would be one of the first things is understanding you're not alone in this it is an emotional roller coaster um and then you know logistically the next thing is setting backal boundaries if

you do decide to work on the relationship boundaries are needed and talked about boundaries not just assumed boundaries talked about boundaries meaning if this person reaches out what do you want me to do oh and there there's so many layers to it cuz it's like what if you work with this person oh my gosh you know people it really affects everything in your life you know does that mean you have to quit your job is that

a boundary or what you tell the children do do you tell the children that's another question who do you tell you know there's so much shame associated with infidelity too that it silences us and a lot of times we feel like I can't tell anybody right you know in marriages we have a lot of the same friends and we know all the same people we don't want our family hating our spouse because they cheated cuz what

if I want to work it out and forgive this person so now we feel feel just silent now we feel like I can't tell anybody I don't want anyone judging me if I stay I don't want anyone judging them if if we work it out and we just say what do I do I just have to figure this out and I'm this emotional roller coaster and I don't know what to do I don't know who to

talk to um and then we we try to figure out boundaries what do we want to do who do we do we tell the children you know do we tell a friend um and maybe the person person I got stepped out in is angry and they start telling everybody yeah you know and then what to work it through like you know or to be like to crucify the person no that that's that happens you do you

want to crucify you're just angry you just want to react and then what happens is what if you do want to work it out still now you're kind of you know head between your legs but that's okay too like it I know there's other out there judgments but it's based on you it's your life your family what you want to do it's you to me this is how I see it's you the other person that you

have chosen to be in a relationship with and God Almighty you know that's what it's in between honestly like and to figure it out because it's hard work it's and honestly what I think is that if something like this happened in a relationship you got to work your stuff out anyway even if you choose not to stay right because if not if you don't if you ignore and pretend you know whatever like that stuff comes with

you I'm I'm I'm my husband's second wife okay all right and not saying that he brought a bunch of stuff and I'm not bad mouthing the first or anything like that but I learned a lot of lessons from that I'm a bonus mom so it was just like you know that that whole situation and we have a lot of Blended families okay you know and so to me it's just like infidelity I I love how you

put it it's it's like the boundaries that you chose in your relationship and honestly if you haven't if you haven't worked out that that would be premarital or even even if you've been married 10 years and you still don't have like these boundaries or this you know I want people to understand that marriage counseling is not just about when something's gone wrong so just talk about that for a minute yeah what else is it for you're

right I mean I even I do premarital counseling too I'm a provider in broud County um I have a huge premarital packet I you know I give people and it's funny cuz that's kind that's one of the questions is what do you define as cheating and I want you to talk about it like with your partner um so I think that's important to be talked about the the cheating as I'm sorry what was the second question

for that the um well oh now I forgot too well it's all about prevention so I'm trying to get people to understand how the important what the importance of coming to therapy she's got mommy brain it's okay it's focused on that the cheating the defining cheating but um the coming to therapy before there's an issue yes that was it so um I think the Gman again says that people wait an average of 6 years of being

unhappy before they come to counseling a lot of the times and you're right nothing has to go wrong before you take that step you know maybe it's communication tools maybe when you guys fight it just gets blown up you know and everything and you don't feel heard and now you're sweeping any everything under the road and you can live with it but you're not totally happy with it you know or maybe it's the intimacy like we

said maybe we're just not being intimate um I I see a lot of uh parents with young kids that tends to be a big um population right that comes to therapy too because young kids make it a lot more difficult oh yeah once you throw children in there it's like what yeah but stress with that um you know and it's if have more of this avoidant attachment you know then it's like am I finding am I

leaving am I looking am I turning outwards you know instead of turning to my partner for these kind of things so 100% or jealousy CU people um and I I know the spouses some spouses get jealous of the kids because they were the first with the wife and then kids come along what about me you know and and the woman doesn't you know like it's learning teaching them probably to balance that or say oh cuz they

might not be seeing it that way either yeah so so I love the prevention part and that you have that so you listening people so it doesn't mean that if you know if you're thinking about getting married what do you work with singles that want to get married or learn new skills yeah I see couples and singles um and I see individuals in the relational aspect and all different levels too so maybe it's I want to

look at my own communication skills or you know talking about the two second marriage or something I want to make sure I'm not not bringing unhealthy things I did in that marriage and bringing it to this one we all carry baggage from other relationship right we all fall short of the glory people we do you know I I preach these things every day and I I'll sit there and yell at my husband sometimes and I'm like

oh crap you know does he ever say and you're a therapist oh no he'll come back and be like I feel and I'm picturing Eric doing that yeah oh jeez it' be like my husband doing that yeah yeah so um it we all have baggage we all have things that we need to work on and I do see individuals going through the same thing or maybe that our partner doesn't want to come to therapy maybe they

don't believe in it maybe those cultural aspects that they don't think it's okay to go to therapy so the individual takes that initiative themselves and they say I'm going to go in good I'm going to try to break these Cycles I'm going to learn about what's going on same thing with Affairs I'll get a lot of just one person okay maybe it's the person that stepped out I need to figure out why I did this I

want to work on forgiving myself I even if the spouse doesn't want them back or if they do my partner says I need to go to therapy to figure this out and then I'm learning these things and I need to change this in my relationship um so yes individual therapy a lot of the times too I'll see a one person in my practice we'll see a couple and then I'll say I think you as individual should

also see a therapist in cohesion with couple's therapy sometimes I mean I know people are like I can't afford I'm like you can't afford not to like you want to become a better human so even if you have to spend some money at that time and place of you know coup's therapy individual therapy and everything you want to work it out it's going to pay off at the end you know so is there any final words

of encouragement you would like to share with the audience before or we close out um my final words of encouragement would kind of reflect some of the things we said um don't feel alone in this I want you to find confidence with your choices in your relationship so if you are unsure what you want to do one way or the other especially with infidelity you know get some help with it ask others talk to others don't

let that shame silence you because you can find confidence and feel okay about your decision you don't have to go in thinking I hope I made the right choice either way I want you to feel good on how you this is the most informed decision kind of thing I'm making a good decision and you're right about like even the price and everything with therapy it's an investment it is you know take the time find someone that

specializes in it so you're investing in the right thing and and then it's it's your relationships it's your family it's your kids that's something you want to invest in yeah you know don't put that off and say hopefully I could figure this out right right I mean we're meant to to be there for one another right and to you know and there's great resources out there um maybe you can hand you know I don't know if

there's a book or a website that you can just forward to me and I'll put it in the show notes of anything that you know of yeah even a book I don't know I yeah there's I have a couple books um that I like and then um I think we have a page on my website that has like it talks just about Affairs and such too all right I'll put that in the show Notes too all

right so we'll we'll touch base after this okay so where can the audience find you Coral Springs Counseling center.com um that's I don't want to spell it Coral Springs center.com it'll be there it'll be there the show notes and um do you you have social media yep so um Instagram and Facebook it's C like Cassandra Thompson t h m p s o n and then lmhc licensed mental health counselor at um Instagram Facebook all of that

all right cool all right well thanks for coming by thanks for having me I loved this all right remember dear listener to trust in the Lord guard your heart and renew your mind bye and now for the disclaimer to make sure you understand that you are responsible for you the cont content provided on the holistic counselor podcast is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice diagnosis or

treatment always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental condition never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast the views expressed on this podcast are my personal opinions and do not represent the views of any Prof professional organizations with which I am Affiliated call your doctor 911 or 988 immediately if you have

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