Helping Teens Thrive: Emotional Regulation, Social Media Pressures, and Parenting Strategies

welcome fearfully and wonderfully made humans to another episode of the holistic counselor podcast it's me Diana from through the valley therapy and transformed mind Consulting and coaching I'm so glad you're here taking time to invest in your growth and wellness remember you are doing the work by showing up for yourself one step at a time today I am thrilled to welcome a very special guest ARA mascarenas lmhc ARA is a fully bilingual therapist and the owner

of rising stronger counseling with over seven years of experience working with children teens and families she's a Powerhouse in treating anxiet depression trauma OCD and eating disorders as well as a leader in addressing self-esteem body image and emotional regulation we first connected through the mental health counselor Association of Palm Beach County was it the Palm Beach one or the Brower one ARA it was Palm Beach okay where she serves as the president and after a great

discussion about working with teens I knew she had to be on the show let's dive in into her incredible insights and wisdom thank you so much for taking the time out to be here thank you for having us for hosting this podcast I love what you said about Fierce F and beautifully made at the beginning we definitely are that so I appreciate that yeah we're made in God's image and I think people forget that our connection

to a higher power Creator is really important and we forget that we focus on other humans too much or other things and we forget that we should sit still right well anyway um let's start with your why what pulled you into the world of helping kids and teens regulate their emotions you know it's funny because I don't know if I have like one big answer I feel like it's a series of little moments that turn into

a big why um if my mom were here she would tell you that I was obsessed with kids like my whole life I I love kids I have a younger brother I was going to say baby but he's like 28 so he is not a baby um but to me he is yeah um and there's this picture of like my mom lying down in bed with like her pregnant belly and I'm like on top hugging the

tummy um and that's I think the beginning of my journey with kids believe it or not um and just little by little I I started expanding myself more into the psychology field the counseling field um I was a preschool teacher at some point also so I feel like kids have always been part of my plan um and my purpose here on Earth school but I will say that when I was in Middle School and throughout High

School my parents weren't through a really just tough and tumultuous divorce and separation and I I have so many little images and memories of myself kind of being like a I can't wait to get out of here and B I want to do something with with this and I'm very purpose-- driven and so it drives a lot of the work that I do now one of the Specialties that I work with is divorce and the kids

of divorce and I think that feels me as well just remembering the little girl inside me and how can I change that story for for other kids and teens as well yeah I mean being a wounded healer I love it that's exactly that's a beautiful way of putting it you know like you understand and that's that's your calling I mean this is where uh beauty comes from ashes if we if you you did the introspection you

looked inside you didn't stay a victim and you you chose to do the work and now here you are helping others that's I love that good for you that's that's a hard place like and I I kind of do that in my practice well I mean I didn't I grew up with a single immigrant mom so it's a whole different thing but kind of the same you know where did you grow up I kind of grew

up all over um I was born in Mexico so so my family is Mexican but because of my dad's job I got the opportunity to travel around the world and witness different cultures and just different family systems which I think part of it is why I'm fascinated by just like immigration stories Blended families just the mixture The Melting Pot of The Human Experience yeah I mean I love it I love calling it a fruit salad because

to me like a m pot think about it it's like we're all melting into this one thing but to me we all need to be together and some of us are sour grapes and others of us are are sweet you know like mango maybe I don't know know and but we still need to come together so yeah you're right I love that you traveled everywhere um may I ask what your dad did is that okay yeah

sure yeah um he worked for craft foods like the Oreo the mac and cheese company yeah um often times people think my dad was like in the military or something yeah right away or a preacher's kid you're a preacher kid something like that but nope it was just cookies and cheese um so yeah I got the opportunity I left Mexico when I was eight years old which in it of itself was really tough I really focus

on attachment in my practice and I think part of it comes from that um and then after I lived in Mexico I moved to China which was like a completely different experience to say the least yes um and then after that I moved here to the United States and then after that I moved to Venezuela and then after that I moved to Canada and then after that I moved back here I've been here for like six

seven years maybe okay all right and then so where did you go to school where did you get your masters from I got my Master's here at Nova Southeastern University did we know that did I know that I'm from Nova too oh really I don't think we knew that when did you graduate I graduated in 2021 okay all right wow all right just recently all right yeah I graduated in let me I forget 2007 I was

just looking at my degree on the wall7 that's a good hack yeah yeah yeah Nova it was I loved it I mean I learned a lot and I'm still learning honestly it's been years and years and you'll still learn especially if you're if you choose to want to know more information right as a therapist and not think we know it all so all right so let's talk about um yeah you know kids today are growing up

in a world of tick tock Trends constant comparison and societal pressures right how do these outside influences make emotion regulation harder and what can we do to combat that well I think first when we talk about emotion regulation like what does that mean I think is important because often times I'll tell a parent like okay we need to like learn how to regular emotions and a parent would be like what is that what does that mean

I want it I want it for my child but what what does it look like and I think in the world of teenagers and teens sorry and children um it's hard to know what that means because what I always tell parents is nobody teaches us emotions regulating calming down at least like when I was a preschool teacher I started noticing a shift where we used to call it like the calming corner and it was a place

where kids could regulate but you sent a kid to the calming Corner what how is the kid gonna know what that right exactly and we would have like a it did look like a Calon Corner had like maybe a blanket and some bubbles and some fidgets but just sending your kid to a calming corner is not enough um and I think it's important to teach our kids to distinguish the world inside Us and how emotions feel

in our bodies and then what I can do about it so maybe that could be a grounding or breathing or counting and that's what emotion regulation kind of means um at least to me and to the families that I serve yeah so you know you talk about like digital social media and it's I think for everybody not just kids it's a great escape button um or I like to like you know those like big red buttons

that that used to sell at like Staples or something yes yes that's what I imagine so that's what social media does but that's really anything where we just teach kids and people let me just press this to escape and and get out of it and I had actually a recent team tell me that they were witnessing a very beautiful movie and they were moved by it and they didn't really know what they were feeling but they

felt something something really big for them and they are confused they didn't know what to do with the bigness of it yeah and the almost instinct was let me get out of here let me distract myself let me take out my phone yeah um so that to me is like the role that it plays it's just another avoidance thing that people do because exactly big emotional feelings make us uncomfortable and if we're not taught to kind

of like sit in that and like digest it I think we will always press that escape button yeah no you're right and and it's not only that it's like the big emotion comes and instead of regular in right or being curious without judgment right the emotion it gets it's scary and it's uncomfortable but this is what I tell some of my clients is like you're wanting to sit in the uncomfortable hell instead of trying to learn

how to be in the comfortable Heaven I like that you know and so it's like why are we not you know and because you don't have the I was a preschool teacher for 15 years honest so I was in the preschool Arena I was assistant director as well but it's understanding like yeah time back then you know it was timeout go to timeout and then before then the stuff that I saw because I'm a lot older

than you that it's just like oh my gosh teachers are allowed to do this what so it's it's been a shift and a change but it's going you know here's the corner or let's go sit down and do you know but it is trying to figure out what works for the individual on how to regulate especially kids and then when I used to because I used to work with you know teenagers and parents and it's just

like the parents have to learn how to regulate themselves first right so what do you do like you know um so if kids came with an emotional toolkit yeah like what would be in there what would be the three mus haves that you would make sure every kid had I think I kind of touched on it and I really like I love this question because it gives me like I don't know the hope and possibility of

what we could really teach kids I don't have kids of my own but I I really do want to help kids because I think that way we would make better adults and that world sounds very wonderful to me um and I think it's one of my purposes but I think one of the things is awareness of the emotional experience in the body kids are really smart yes and I absolutely love working with kids because their intuition

and the connection to their body is so loud in those times and I think as we grow up we kind of lose this skill but I I believe we're we're born with it um so I think the number one thing is that Mind Body Connection and really fueling it so oh I'm feeling anxious how does that feel like in your body oh your tummy hurts what could that mean um your head hurts what is that saying

those types of cues I think would be amazing if I could they're already there but to make them louder I think would be fundamental um the second thing is just emotional vocabulary often times it's my favorite thing to do actually and I just love doing this when I ask a client like are you familiar with the emotion wheel or do you know how many emotions you feel or any of those types of questions and I just

present them with the emotion wheel I can tell you nine times out of 10 most kids or teens would be like I've never seen this in my life which I'm like yes like this is amazing I get to teach something yeah and so they're like are you serious like all of this is real like I can feel all of this and I'm like yes and isn't that such a beautiful human gift right and then I'll get

some response of like you're so cringe oh my gosh I can't believe you said that I'm like yes and take a look at the wheel like what surprises you yeah and I really it really shocks me the respon like oh I've never heard of this there's so much curiosity in that realm and it it really makes me believe that that should be part of the toolkit just you're so much more than just happy mad sad yeah

or angry or anxious or depressed exactly you know and it's like one of my favorite things and I always tell this to them too of of Being Human the ability to feel one two three things at a time we're very large I always imagine us like a un there's a whole universe right inside us and to limit it to like these five or six little emotions is just a disservice to the whole Human Experience right um

and the third thing would probably be the inherent knowing that they're always worthy of love and belonging sometimes life happens and adulting happens and we forget that no matter what happens I imagine as like a little seed of like our soul and then we grow from that and that seed is always worthy of love and belonging that's right yeah even no matter where you come from uh right so where did you do your um practicum if

I ask since you went to NOA at a yeah I did it at a school that's not opened anymore actually um but it w it was called evolved Learning Community oh okay because I did it at a school too I did it at Cross Creek School yeah it was a public school Cross Creek School you ever heard of it no I think it's still there but it was a cognitive behavior therapy school oh that's awesome yeah

and so there was like I I would say there was probably about 10 clinicians a Psychiatry psychiatrist and a psychiatric nurse so anybody that was going to this school had to be seeing a psychiatrist and then you teared out of it so it wasn't a behavioral school it was you know it was a cognitive behavioral therapy school this was back in the day but anyway yeah I mean the your what you were taught in your experiences

I love that because that means you don't have to have kids you just have to have the wisdom the knowledge and the experience to be a good therapist with kids and teenagers because sometimes I hear that from therap well I don't have children or they're younger you know and stuff and I'm just like yeah but there's people with kids that don't know what they're doing so hello if you everybody took the time to learn right yeah

that's it to learn to learn about themselves and also to learn how to be in this world and healthy manner which is the emotional regulation that emotion wheel I'm going to put it in the show notes because I think there's a free one that's like a right isn't there a free one that I could put on the in the show notes for the listener yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of free ones and I they vary

but the the core is the same it's very like it goes it expands so it starts with like the basic ones like happy mad sad angry and then it keeps growing and growing with different words which I just find fascinating that's great so tell me um like what would you say to the parents because you have to deal with the parents see I I I stopped working not not I stopped working with adolescence just because I

went into private practice and then it's I realized like okay if you want to work with me you each if there both parents there or caregivers I like to call them caregivers because not everybody has a mom and a dad y um that they had to do their own work too because it's not just about the kid and I'm not a lmft so it's like I would individually and I would have them come in but then

so tell me what you do like if somebody wants to come to you and and there's like I have a like a five-year-old or six-year-old who's having a meltdown at Target and I'm here as a mom coming in with my kid and you know what would you say to a parent who's about to either cry you know or run away well I think there's like two-part answer to that because yes I realized that very quickly when

I started working with children and teens and their families in a clinical setting I could teach this kid all these wonderful tools but if the parent isn't involved in the process it just makes my job a little bit harder and honestly I've had both I've had the involved parent the eager parent teach me this I want to learn this and I've had the parent of like hey hope you can fix my kid here you go I'm

just very absent right yeah um I've had both and I don't really judge either one because I I really believe that both parents are just doing the best that they can with what they have and you don't know what you don't know right so it's more removing that blame and shame because I I do believe saying that I'm not a parent is important because I'm not trying to tell you how to parent and I'm not pretending

to be better than you at this at all and I don't want to take that wisdom away from from the parent yeah um but I do believe in the education and the trainings and all of the stuff that I do because this is what I do 247 if I'm driving somewhere I'm listening to a podcast or reading a book about this um so I believe that what I'm saying has backing yeah and also I'm not here

to tell you that you're a bad parent and listen to me but with that in mind so if we have a tantruming child at Target a that's probably a mortifying experience for 95% of the population um we don't really love negative attention and I think as a parent and the adult it makes sense to have all of these doubts come up a am I doing something bad am I a bad parent all of those negative stories

as I like to call them that we tell ourselves about ourselves are probably showing up in that moment and I think you mentioned something about curiosity and that's very important and knowing yes that is going to show up right those parts this is embarrassing oh my God everybody's watching me why am I such a bad mom dad whatever I may be acknowled in and noticing that taking a breath and trying something else right that's really it

and I tell parents this all the time you don't have to be perfect and most parents the the type of parent that wants to show up and is eager to learn wants to get it right 100% of the times and that is not realistic yeah and also I would even push it a little bit further than that do we want to teach our kids to be perfect or do we want to teach them to be human

and that's a very clear distinction so the pressure to be perfect is not really necessary it's more on acknowledging what I have and what a modeling so if my kid is freaking out at Target okay I'm feeling this type of way right I'm triggered or I'm embarrassed or whatever I can take a breath and what do I want to model In This Moment and I think the best thing is to describe it I often think about

it and what I tell parents is be the subtitles of what's happening so if I'm having a meltdown because I don't have chocolate I you didn't buy me chocolate bar hey that sucks you really wanted a chocolate bar I get it it's very frustrating we really wanted this toy or whatever it may be yeah you're just adding a little subtitle to whatever the moment is you're not telling your kid okay here you go right you're not

saying please stop cut it out and yelling it's more of like let me guide you through this experience yeah as I'm also guiding myself in this experience right because you're a parent and you're a person at the same time which I think sometimes people want to plump into one but they're separate parts of you yeah wow that was great AR like you know I'm a mom I'm a grandma so it's like i' been yeah that's great

I like that the subtitle I never even heard of that see we all can learn something all the time if we open up our I'll try that with my grandkids please and let me know how it goes because I feel like sometimes people expect like okay so if I become the subtitles or I narrate the experience the feeling won't be there and that's really not the goal and it's cuz we are going to have meltdowns and

you have meltdowns as adult I have meltdowns yes you know so the goal is not to not have them or to extinguish that discomfort it's more to walk you through it to teach you that you too can do it and at some point you can do it by yourself and you won't need me to add the subtitles right and it's just you know it's a way to reframe like reframe in your brain right it's a cognitive

behavior like challenging the thought of like why am I about to react this way it is the constant curious Observer of yourself of like do you want to react in emotion or do you want to respond in wisdom right so it's just wow is there any um what what do you use in your therapy like what is it your modality you go to a lot oh my gosh there's so many because I think when you work

with kids and teens you have to be creative and you have to think outside the box yes so it's just part of it so I'll use a lot of play and art I really love using internal family systems ifs it works amazing with kids they really understand the concept of parts and this is why I was telling you at the beginning kids are so freaking smart and wise they just come with so much knowledge and as

adults we forget that but understanding the different parts of us and that all of those parts are good and they have a purpose it's really really helpful of course I use cognitive behavioral therapy CBT especially when we're having these like cognitive distortions it's super fun to go down the list and being like do do we do this oh I do okay how does that look like so we're breaking it down I think that's also important um

some elements of DBT I think are really wonderful can you explain to the audience what DBT is please yeah dialectical behavior therapy and I think the there's different components of it and I'm not an expert on it at all but I really like the focus on like that mindfulness piece on the Urge surfing so how can I stay aware and present in this discomfort and kind of like surf the wave of it which is kind of

what we were talking about in the beginning um so a lot of those principles I I derive from and I'm also getting train in EMDR so for those yeah and kits which is um and it also like I said it's it really does focus on that's more of like the trauma piece and every time you were asking me that question about incorporating parents I have parent sessions at least once a month with the parent oh okay

yeah because we're part of systems and if I can work with your child but your child is still part of that system of the home and I want you to be involved in the process some especially older teens they be like he I'm good like I don't need this I just want to work through my test anxiety which is very different but if we're noticing behavior issues maybe like denial to go to school maybe struggling with

socializing uh maybe body image concerns the family always has to be part of the of the package yeah for sure do do you have any resources because you just named a list of of and sometimes we have things because that's the why I created this because whoever comes on I want my I want my listener to receive some kind of at least practical tips and tools or books or resources or podcasts or whatever it is that

you kind of because you're only one person you can only take so many clients in a month or in a week right and so to me and I know like after talking to you that you really I mean most of us I would say I would hope that 90% of the therapists out there want to do what is right for their clients and for the people and for the world right so is there anything that you

utilize that you could think of or a book that you were like no you know I wish parents would read this book or maybe a teenager or something like that like a resource that you know of yeah for sure I have like I would say for the parent if the parent's looking for resources um um Dr Becky Kennedy has a book called good inside which I absolutely love she also has a podcast oh that I also

really love um so I would recommend that there's also it called it's called the same thing I'm sorry to interrupt you but is it called good inside is that the name of the podcast okay cool sorry go on and also no you're good fun fact is that Dr Rebeca Kennedy also uses ifs in children and it it uses how that's why it's called good inside the theory is that you're always good inside no matter what you

do no bad parts yeah exactly which I love um there's also conscious discipline it's another book okay by Dr chaali which I really love and there's like she has another book called like the map of parenting and it's a whole other Gambit of like super cool parenting resources um and she also has a podcast actually um it's called the parent and you okay I believe um and then the final one for the superachiever parents there is

a course it's one week and it's called circle of security training okay I took it to become a parent facilitator but caregivers can take it as well just to learn about attachment in children so can I ask you like say I have a parent that I you know I might be their therapist as a woman to woman and they have kids they can go to you though as a facilitator of this of this and you can

help them with that I mean can you explain that a little more about what certification that is yeah sure so it's called circle of security and it's basic premise is attachment between the child and the caregiver okay and they have this beautiful I can share it with you you can even just Google it okay but their basic Theory I guess is that the child is looking to explore and then looking for protection and comfort and safety

wow so we want to support the child at every step of that cycle usually what happens is some part of the cycle gets broken yeah and so we want to make sure that our kids are securely attached which means they know that they're safe to explore but Mom Dad whatever is always going to be here when you need comfort and safety that's the basic pinnings of this Theory but there's a lot to it and oftentimes yeah

it's really really fascinating I loved it because even in the training they show you little cues that children are doing to connect with their caregiver and it is the most be I even get goosebumps now and I can't unsee it like I will be anywhere I was at Universal Orlando this past week weekend and you know you can put me anywhere and I'll still be a therapist at heart because I just love this and I'm sitting

there you know eating my churo and I see this kid ex having fun during the fireworks and he leaves the mom so that's that top part right he's out there exploring the environment and an adult kind of like approaches and he gets scared and he goes right back to Mom wow and mom was there to comfort and like just be like it's okay and like kind of Pat him down and in my head I was like

that's a really good moment of connection because the kid felt safe enough to go out there and explore got a little scared felt safe enough to go back to the parent yeah um so it's like how connection and attachment is really possible always at any time between the caregiver and the child right so you worked with teenagers as well yeah right and and working with teenagers did you can you tell me what like this where did

you work with teenagers like before you did your private practice like did you work let me this is let me ask it in a better way did you work with teenagers that came from like foster care or DCF and stuff like that where they don't they grew up with no attachment at all or with abuse and and neglect I've never worked with foster kids um um the I will say the bulk of my practice is probably

middle school and high school kids okay um and how I kind of got started in that even at that internship site that I was mentioning we're working with like neurode divergent kids so it was like a very different setting um and then after that I started working at a school but as a school counselor so my role changed a little bit and I was in group um in a group private practice where I also started working

with teams and even back back back then I used to work at a research lab where we were exploring teenagers and how they make relationships but with their peers wow so really that would have been cool a research lab wow yeah it was really really cool um so I feel like I've worked with teens for a really long time and the more that I became you know a licens mental health counselor and the more that I

started doing the work I started noticing within myself wow I really love attachment work and that's kind of like what we were talking about at the beginning about that parenting and that divorce piece and how that gets fractured and I started noticing everywhere yeah because there is a actually we are there's a lot of securely attached people I think sometimes the media port portrays that there isn't right um but there is and yet there's still you

know a gamut of people that could benefit from attachment work even as adults yes and and the thing is too it's like being aware right and understanding well what does she mean about secure attachment or you know the anxious attachment or the avoidant attachment or the disorganized attachment whatever and then that's the problem with them what you were talking about earlier with social media or just the phone itself it doesn't have to be only social it

could be Netflix or just being distracted on YouTube constantly or something because you do not want want to or it's kind of like the any kind of real addiction too it's like but then you have the comparison because you working with teens I can imagine because I stopped working with teenagers I would say about a year ago and uh I could just imagine like the more that social media and all this Ai and edited videos and

the you know the anxiety and the depression and everything is going through the roof like you and I will have work probably for the rest of our lives you know so how do you say that there's a teenager right now listening to this podcast going man okay like I what do I do where do I start how do I get help like I don't even know what to do anymore I I I'm feeling these things or

I don't even I'm feeling the three things anger sadness you know whatever like what would you say to a teenager right now like what would you like to say to a teenager I think the first thing which might be cliche but you're not alone I think often times teenagers think that they're this is the they're the only ones feeling this experience if that makes sense I must be the only one who can't make friends at lunch

I I see everybody and everybody looks happy and there's something wrong with me and I think that's the coolest part of my job to just really validate and say actually no I've heard two other people say that exact same thing today and then like inviting that imagination and curiosity if three of us are feeling this way what do you think that says about the teenager experience as a whole right what do you and then encouraging leaving

this comfort zone right and it's really scary but if you feel lonely and I feel lonely what would it look like to instead of staying on your phone and hiding with you and your loneliness behind the screen to put it down and really take a risk because it is a risk and just go outside of this comfort zone and make a connection with somebody else right so I think it's you're not alone and there's stuff you

can do and I think sometimes people are like there's nothing there's nothing I can do I had a really depressed and stubborn client for for a while and it was you know there was no out there was nothing that they could do to make the situation better and we were stuck in these negative thought patterns so got to like CBT yeah and challenging Time After Time and also experiments hey let's try and I don't mean like

those like lab research experiment I mean like in real life let's try something right like what if we try out for a volleyball this week right what would that be no I can't do it right well let's try you can you can show up for 10 minutes and then come back can we do that so it's like yes what you feel is real and I believe all my clients that tell me that they feel lonely I

believe you and are you willing to do something about it and with that comes like also a lot of validation because I don't want to be like okay that sucks like just go get over it right there's really there's realness to what they're feeling and I believe it and I see it and I also want to challenge you to step outside right of that box L literally the box of your phone and figer to Fleet of

your comfort zone right yeah I love that the box of your phone and the box of your comfort zone o that's going to be great you should quote that and put it on social media you own that ARA you own that I love it no seriously like that is that's good stuff there is there do you have any like resources that you would S I mean I know like 211 Broward stuff like for anyone that's listening

like especially a young person is there any kind of book or you know journal or anything like that that you know of that you would recommend for a team yeah for an adolescent you know like or or something to do like to explore or maybe how do they go and say hey Mom I I I think I need to go to therapy or something like that you know because some some kids know that there's something going

on they just don't know what it is right they feel the feel and then it's like how do they present it to a parent that might not that might not validate them that's a hard place oh yeah I think that's especially you know I'll speak a little about like the Latin culture in my experience I don't want to generalize but there's still a lot of stigma that comes from mental health I would even say like my

grandpa I I'm 5050 that he believes that my job is real and it matters I still don't know right so and he's a very Mexican man right so thing I'm pretty sure I just you know don't want to assume maybe some people have really Progressive Latin families right um but well between your family and my family we're we're there okay let's just we were talking about our personal experiences as now women okay people I know my

my my parent my mother she's just like so MIA they need to turen up I came to this country you know and it's the classic toughen up thing yes yes or like I'll tell my grandpa you know this person is experiencing depression or any type of thing and he'll be like H they just need to get over it and I'm like oh if it were that simple I would have already done that um exactly so no

and I think that's why like back to your question of is it hard yes especially with a lot of the population that I work with it's even more challenging cuz they're fighting all also the social stigma of what therapy means and there's creative ways to do it like I've had Parents call me and be like I found this note on my kids um oh this one was a good one my kid wrote something concerning and left

the paper in the car and I read it and got concerned and thought this might be time for therapy so there's like out of the box thinking I'm hoping you know that as time goes by people feel more comfortable accepting that they need help and I will say you said something about like something doesn't feel right if something doesn't feel right I believe you believe yourself I think it's important that you feel that way and I

don't I don't necessarily have to know you to know that it if it feels wrong for you then that's worth talking about to whoever it may be sometimes a parent might not be it but I was a school counselor I had lots of students come to me and say I don't feel great is there something that you can do to help I worked at a school which we have that in common you can go to a

trusted teacher and say something you can tell a friend I've had friends tell me that their friends are worried and ask for resources for their friend right like hey can I have your number and give it to my friend or so there's I wish there it was as easiest hey I need help and sometimes it is and I to those kids I say believe yourself and trust yourself and I know that you know what is best

for you right so and you don't have to right and and and know that you're not alone and that there's there's help out there just look you know 211 Browder was something that I had to utilize when I was in the school as well as like the Trevor Project oh yeah you know and there's other resources out there and um you know journaling and because sometimes these kids did come from um families or situations that they

were actually alone you know but it's like a reframe of understanding like you have a purpose utilize your school system in a healthy way because the easy way out is what turning to drugs turning to alcohol turning to gangs turning to you know these very unhealthy uh toxic ways of dealing with pain and suffering and stuff like that and so to me like you know as we wrap this up is there any kind of encouragement words

faith based or not I don't know whatever comes to mind that you would like to encourage the listener and also let them know how to reach you if they want to work with you I think you and you said it really beautifully to me there's always purpose and there's a reason why you're here that I do know for sure I I might not know all the reasons nor do I have to to know that you matter

just because you're in this planet it's really that easy for me and back to like what we were saying about like good inside ands I really do believe that all of us are good life gets tricky and we make choices that we might not be proud of but that doesn't mean that you're bad by any means and think that's like the most important thing cuz I've had you know teenagers that have done things and they're like

I'm a bad person and I will always challenge them on that because no you are not and the chances are I always think about the Steve Jobs did the speech with for Stanford a graduation speech it's such a good speech and at the end he says the dots will always connect you'll get to a point where you look back back in your life and the thoughts connect yeah and I think that's something I live by In

This Moment I don't have to know everything I just have to have faith and trust that when I look back at some point the dots will ultimately connect yeah because I'm worthy of it that's plain and simple that's you know that's the thing with if we're made in God's image because in my fa you know I'm a woman of Faith right so if we're made in God's image right it's understanding that none of us are perfect

because you're not talking about perfection but that's what we're all striving for because we're so consumed in comparison especially nowadays and to have this understanding that the reason why you you're constantly wanting to you know fill these holes or the imperfections or focusing on the negative or you know it is the it is trying to understand gratitude even when it hurts it's it's a hard place to go and understanding to me this is why I Focus

On Christ and why I need Jesus because he's the one who came as Perfection and I don't have to be and understanding that you have your own personal walk with creator of the universe and you're wonderfully and you know you're his masterpiece like come on like you have to understand that importance so like we have tools you know ARA and I have tools we have our own stories we have you know and the thing is we

could have chosen to stay victim of some of the stories right like the divorce that you shared a little and then my story that some of you know if you go back you can hear you know my story some we could have chosen but we did the hard work and that's what we're trying to encourage you listener to do the hard work you know and and you can do it just one step at a time you

know all the resources we just shared like look it up you know and and look within and be still and know that you are loved and worthy you are and um this was so great I could keep going so how can people find you I loved what you said and I think it's a beautiful kind of conclusion about going within I think often times we seek we seek things outside of ourselves yeah skipping a very important

step which is you and I always say that to people where I'm like what can we do and they'll be like oh well you know I could journal and talk I'm like that's all so amazing but you skipped one thing you did you check in with yourself did you acknowledge yourself did you validate yourself did you show up with compassion to yourself and then you can do all the plethora of things but you you know and

I love I just basically love what you said like you I could go on for hours I know but we both have clients and have to work and you know we took this time so we can have this beautiful conversation to to share it with whoever is listening and hoping that they understand that they have power and they're not powerless right exactly so how do how can people find you yeah so um my website is called

Rising stronger counseling.com I'm also on Instagram as rising stronger counseling and I am more than happy to share share my my number with anybody if anything kind of like comes up and if you have questions um it's 95485 6633 so I can be reached at that number as well um often times people are like can I just ask you a question or can you recommend a resource or hey I have like a small doubt are you

able to connect me with somebody yes like please you don't have to contact me for therapy always I'm more than happy to be just a supporter of your journey whatever wherever you are in that process wow thanks ARA you're brave putting it out there you're going to have someone over in India trying to message you or something which would great that would be fascinating I would be open to that all right that would be wonderful all

right listeners thank you for tuning in and always remember to trust in the Lord guard your heart and renew your mind bye bye and now for the disclaimer to make sure you understand that you are responsible for you the content provided on the holistic counselor podcast is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice diagnosis or treatment always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified mental

health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental condition never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast the views expressed on this podcast are my personal opinions and do not represent the views of any professional organizations with which I am Affiliated call your doctor 911 or 988 immediately if you have a medical emergency the holistic counselor podcast does not recommend or endorse any

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