Healing Birth Trauma and Navigating Motherhood

welcome back fearfully and wonderfully made human to another episode of the holistic counselor podcast I'm Diana from through the valley therapy and transformed mind Consulting and coaching before we dive in I want to take a moment to remind everyone listening that transformation begins with accountability it takes courage to confront our struggles reflec deeply and invite the light of Truth into the places we often avoid true healing happens when we stop hiding acknowledge where we are and

ask for the strength to grow my hope is that each episode inspires you to look within lean into hope and take one step closer to becoming the person that our creator has created you to be today I'm sitting down with an amazing colleague I met through the Christian mental health professionals group chesta Michelle is a licensed clinical social worker based in South Florida and the owner of a private practice where she serves women navigating challenges like

depression anxiety grief and relationship issues After experiencing the Nick U Journey with her own child jaqua felt called to work with mothers who've been through similar hardships she specializes in supporting the perinatal Community addressing birth trauma perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and pregnancy loss Testa holds a maternal mental health certificate from postpartum support International and is listed on their provider registry she's also certified she's also a certified clinical trauma professional but what stands out most about

her is her authenticity and passion for empowering women to speak their truth and live boldly I'm honored to share this conversation with someone who is creating ripples of change in such an important space thank you for being here with me jaqua thank you so much for having me so like I usually start I'm always curious about the background right so can you start sharing a bit about your journey to becoming a certified clinical trauma professional and

your work supporting mothers through birth trauma and motherhood Transitions okay so my journey has been long um I started out working um with individuals in homelessness and then after getting my Ms I started working with um families those who've had contact with DCF or were at risk of losing their children I was a nurturing parent facilitator and where where is that where were you like where what do you like what location yeah like I was in

Broward at time I was in Broward um and then I started working as a therapist also with families and individuals and throughout the course of just my um career I recognized that a lot of the behaviors or the reasons why families came into what we call the system yeah is because of trauma right um and even those I encountered because I also worked with veterans like I said I worked in homelessness domestic violence and a lot

of it is trauma and also After experiencing my own trauma um and childhood trauma and recognizing that that's what it was I wanted to learn and I wanted to educate my community about trauma and how it Texas wow did you grow um um did you grow up here in uh Broward yes I did I did did you which school did you go to I went to derfield Beach High School what so did I really my whole

family like went to Dear Beach High SCH oh my goodness I might know your family member let me see no when should I ask you when you grad when did you graduate high school um 2003 oh my goodness I grew up with your parents did they go to deerful High yes my mom did my when did she graduate my uncles um my mom did not graduate she was actually a teen mom um but she was there

in the 80s oh my goodness I might know her you might know my uncles too my uncles were um star athletes what's their names basketball and football my was or um he was um actually all- American they must he must have been maybe early 80s because I'm late 80s late 80s I think maybe 88 wait then I should know him but okay but that's but but the thing is all right I get well then I I

totally understand where you're coming from and what you're talking about because I I went to Crystal EG what did you go to Deerfield middle or Crystal Lake I went to Crystal Lake for sixth grade and then I went to Deerfield middle oh wow okay yeah so I went to CH that's interesting okay yeah Pride yes Buck Pride for anyone listening where yeah well okay sorry I just got all excited now it's like a fellow Buck yay

yeah all right well anyway so you were now that I now I understand more because if you were working with homeless um you know and DCF yeah in card that's that's pretty you know intense because I I did too and we see things like yeah it's it's yeah vicarious trauma is a real thing like we could pick that Stu up too and growing up I mean like you just shared you you grew up in a place

understanding and the thing is what's beautiful that I hear is that you actually like educated yourself and you realize like hey I'm going to do something about it now you're going back to help I bet the community and I tried I mean this is why I created this podcast and my blog and everything I try to do to bring you know healing back to Deerfield Beach yes I love that so tell me about your story with

the why birth trauma and motherhood okay so in 2023 I had my son and he okay so my son was born born 27 weeks early I mean he was born at 27 weeks so he was 3 months early and I had had like a normal pregnancy and my pregnancy Journey was when I say normal I mean it was a smooth pregnancy there weren't any complications and it wasn't until I think around my towards the end of

my second trimester we started to notice that my blood pressure was elevated and I ended up in the hospital I hadn't had any like uh heart issues or conditions hypertension it was just something that happened um in my pregnancy and it was traumatic because I was planning a home birth a natural home birth I had a doula and a midwife and you know they just couldn't get my blood pressure regulated they were fearful that I would

seize and we would lose the baby and my MRA at the time was whatever I have to do to get him here safely earth side is what I'm willing to do yeah so I was scheduled for an emergency C-section everything just moved very fast and I had a C-section my son was born at 27 weeks and six days and spent 87 days in the NICU wow wow yeah I could just imagine it was one of the

yeah it was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with like emotionally it was yeah it was hard it was challenging it it wrecked my world it rocked my world it changed my life right so yeah it was quite a journey but faith and prayer and trusting in the medical team um yeah and now my son is a an active fun loving uh toddler yeah he is the light of our lives and he spreads light everywhere he

goes right so it sounds like you took you know you created beauty from ashes because some people when when they go through pain like this or suffering or you know just a a grief period a Dark Night of the Soul you try to figure out like how do get you get out of it how what what helped you get out of that I know it's your faith I understand that but there had to be other tools

or something or maybe what you learned being a social worker and you had to apply it now right like you you're able to give these tools out to other humans constantly but then when something happens to you personally you're like you know oh wait I got to pick some stuff up that I keep telling people to do what was it for you I think I had an advantage because I was a social worker so um I

did my own research I was knocking down the door of the social worker at the nicku um and just asking for resources I needed help I needed support I had a therapist at the time which she was great I loved her as my therapist um I think that when I went through the niku experience um I think she brought me as far as she could cuz during that time it's like you're crisis you know the NICU

is very unpredictable you know they say your your child takes three steps forward 10 steps backwards and that's a continuous cycle throughout the journey and um so for me I ended up finding a another mom who had went through the NICU was like Pier support so we would do check-ins um but that came later in my journey like I said I didn't know what to do I was looking for resources um they said that there was

a therapist there before my son got there there was nobody there doing groups I started um and we you know in the common areas or in the lunchroom I started meeting moms and families and we would meet and talk just building connection um and being able to encourage each other also I had a great support um my family they sent me encouraging messages they prayed my in-laws they did the same um it was hard there were

days I didn't even want to get up out of bed but I had to get up because I needed to be there for my baby yeah um so it was and also learning the language I'm sorry learning the language the medical terminology that was important for me to I wanted to know everything so what I'm hearing and I and I see the importance because I've heard this this before in my own personal Journey with situations that

happened to me but it's understanding that you you have the right to be your own advocate so it was advocacy you advocated for yourself and you you actually utilized the resources that were around you and you were trying to find out you researched you know and that's a hard time that's hard right at this time right because research people don't know what is truth but I bet you anything you probably went because we're trained in that

to look into the scientific evidence of things and so then right and then Community you ended up building a community and that's what I want the listener to understand that they have the right to have advocacy Community right and definitely and there are resources but it's up to the person even when they don't like you told me you did not feel like getting out of bed and I get it I understand that completely because most of

us wounded healers that come into this space as therapists we have our own stories as well yeah right and so for you so you know I I understand there's a word that was utilized and I'm like what is that I can't believe I've been on this Earth for half a century and I don't know this word um M and I said it to you mat matent defining yes I'm like oh my goodness now I'm gonna have

to go into another rabbit hole and learn something new again like I love it but hopefully jaqua you're going to teach me right now what that is what is that soent it's a term that was coined by a an anthropologist back in the 70s but it's recently gaining traction I think um in the past few years it is the process of becoming a mother and the transitions that happen so those transitions are physiologically uh emotionally mentally

um relationally socially um financially uh it's an existential experience when you become a mom so mates encompasses because it it affects every domain of us as a person yes right um they liken it to um going into adolescence and all the changes the hormonal hormonal changes it's this it's it's a word similar for Mom in that transition so I love that that's mesent matrescence oh my goodness is this why I still break out in pimples all

right sorry okay no but seriously like yeah it is I mean um and it's important for someone that is a mom to understand that then because sometimes I know I'm you know of course now we've established that I'm probably old old enough to be your mother but but it is it's still like you go through changes and sometimes what happens when we don't understand what's happening inside of us we become fearful and we get scared of

these things that are happening and we feel like we're alone and understanding that you're not alone and many many women for centuries have gone through mates since I just did not know there was a word about I mean wow love it so tell me um what are the some of the most you know Common struggles mothers face what do you think physically emotionally and spiritually let's just go through each one during these significant life's transitions um

I would say Obviously the changes in your body the physical your physical body um if you like for me I did I planned on having a natural birth and then now having a c-section scar and even if you had a C-section plant can still take some time to just adjust to having this scar um there's the hor hormon hormonal changes that you're experiencing after the birth of the child so you know the extremes I mean 80%

of women experience um baby blues so like and that's due to the hormones the drop in hormones um that we experience um there's also studies that are finding changes in the brain um structural and functional changes like changes in the gray matter and what they're saying or what they're suggesting is that those changes are to accommodate um focusing on like responding to your baby's cues or you know caregiving and nurturing your child and that's where we

hear about Mom brain because everything is in the brain is being organized around that so that we can make sure this baby surv eyes right yeah and it's there's less concentration on the organizing part of the brain memory that's when you hear about Mom brain yeah momm heard that term yeahmy so God in his wisdom created moms to to and even the changes in our brain to make sure that we are able to nurture and care

for our babies that's amazing to me right I mean that's like uh honestly I know this sounds weird but growing up I was in I watched a lot of television and I didn't grow up in a very healthy way so I knew like one day if I became a mom I needed to learn so I would watch a lot of like Discovery Channel like animal because I remember in science being told you know like in third

grade or whatever like you know you're a mammal and I'm like oh okay so let me learn what mammals do and seriously but it kind of makes sense because you do see a transition of like first you take care of your child and then you kind of have to push him to fly or to whatever it is and I did not chew up food and put it in my child's mouth though okay people and I won't

do that either I my we're not doing that yeah so but I know that there's a lot of women that struggle because you just talked about the the blues the you know postpartum depression okay and that is real that's a real thing I remember a long long time ago and probably in the 80s was a movie an after school special or something where the mother did not want any attachment to that child at all after they

gave birth like what are what do you like how do you approach that as a therapist like with these mothers approach letting them know that they have it or yeah well like what what yeah like someone's coming to you and they have all this guilt and shame for not you know this is supposed to be the most magical time of their life right at time you know this is what Society talks about at times like oh

motherhood it's the most beautiful thing in the world and all of a sudden you have a baby and you don't feel that at all what would you say what would you say to a mom that's experience um well the first thing we want to do is make sure that we're we would um assess so we'd give them I would give them the edenburg postpartum depression scale assessment it's a 10 question it's very easy um and then

just assess their symptoms and then maybe I would respond to them just to see how they're feeling I mean just checking in with them and seeing how they're how they're feeling and based on like if they're saying that I'm tired a lot or I'm overwhelmed or this is very it's harder than I expected it to be um are they eating are they sleeping um and based on those questions um I'd probably say to them it sounds

like you might be going through postpartum depression um sometimes um postpartum depression appears with anxiety and sometimes anxiety is the more is the presenting symptoms so if they're overthinking or they saying that they can't sleep at night insomnia um just um worried about things something happening to the baby intrusive thoughts um then we' want to make sure that we get them help and come up with a plan for them okay yeah I mean that's it is

challenging it is motherhood is challenging everybody's on a different you know and it also depends on how much support because I was raised by a single mom I mean I had support there a little but by my dad's family some but it was hard it was a hard thing you know um so what what practical tools do you have like that if a listener is and they can't just afford to go to therap right away like

where do you suggest them to start is there like a website or some kind of resource a book what would you give a person that is looking for some resources for resources um I want to say this first um I want to make sure that I tell them that what they're experiencing is normal that many moms go through this and that all symptoms are treatable I want to make sure I say that um just to normalize

the experience but some um resources are postpartum support International was one resource that I myself um reached out to they have a hotline and that's 24 hours um 365 um that phone number I have it around here somewhere um it's okay I'll put it in the show notes don't worry yeah they have resources they have groups every week support groups every week so they also have peer mentors very great resource postpartum support International they helped me

they're actually the ones that did my training oh wow um also because it also depends on what their Journey was if a person experienced pregnancy loss or I do have a book that I did with one that I went through with one of my clients she actually found it um it's called grieving the child I never knew it's by uh Kathy wenberg okay it's a devotional journal and we use that to process just some of how

some of her feelings it's a great it was a great resource and Tool if you're a therapist um other resources you can reach out to me I am accepting um moms and you can find me on psychology today jesa Michelle and I'm a great resource yeah for sure no and all this information will be in the show notes so they can get your information so I just want to now go into your story with Nick U

because honestly my story as a mom will be very different because I gave a natural birth right to the person that went through something like you right where you had to go I mean I've heard stories about you know Edie you said 87 days 87 days yeah you know or there's like been stories where it's a lot longer or you know maybe just the initial of like being there for a week or or just that like

can you just what signs should a mother or her loved one watch out for to know if she needs professional support um if she needs professional support I think you mentioned it um one of them is a mom that's detached from the baby or doesn't want anything to do with the baby um if you see like Rage or extreme irritability um sadness crying a lot and if she's isolating I mean not coming out the house um

and if they're saying things like oh maybe the baby would be better if I wasn't here that is someone we definitely want to get some support to um yeah like just avoiding anyone that that's avoiding maybe even the hospital because when you experience a nicku you know you have to go to the hospital so avoid in the hospital that might be signs that they're having acute stress could which could lead to postart post um I'm sorry

um PTSD so post-traumatic stress disorder um so those are some of the things so some of the symptoms that you see um and that you'd want to get them support okay in the hospital um that you were at you don't need to tell me which one it was but there was social workers and other kinds inside there like in the you department where you can reach out correct like oh yes definitely so yeah they should have

a social worker some of them also have social workers who engage you in groups um they didn't at the hospital that I was at but I've heard that they may have like groups or support for um parents all right I want to I want to switch now to someone that might be listening that isn't the mother but it's part of a family that this is going through okay okay like what what do you think or what

would you say to say the the family members or the friends or the partners about how they can best support a mother going through something like this um I think it's important to ask for permission um and when I say that so there's a lot of excitement around a baby being born and sometimes moms get overlooked and sometimes moms are dealing because it affects your your your self-concept so and if you've had like foure beliefs already

about yourself like maybe feelings of failure or I'm not enough um motherhood is hard or challenging especially for new moms this is your first time there's no manual nobody teaches us how to nurture and care for a baby like there's no manual for us so um asking for permission is important because we want to make sure that we do what mom is okay with us doing you know some people want to jump in and like oh

I'll take care of the baby you go do this and well maybe that's not what mom needs maybe mom needs you okay I want to take a shower it's okay if you hold the baby while I take a shower okay um do you want to do a feeding can you feed the baby for me so kind of asking for permission like what is okay um I think some practical things that you can do is maybe cooking

meals um everything gets organized around the baby when the baby's born so like even your basic sometimes moms and parents together we forget our basic needs so eating is important so yes maybe cooking meals um also doing laundry or helping out as far as like cleaning around the house um sending a mom care package for selfcare let's talk about that a little like what what would you put in it like to yeah like what would you

think would be a cool self-care package I think we should think about that together because in case someone's listening listen if there's like a a logical guy who's just like give me just what to do I don't have emotions I need to know what to do like I've seen some with um just like a notepad or um things for like like uh your morning routine for your face women like to receive those things so body I

mean body wash or or face wash um candles um a journal maybe um nice um slippers or socks if you could afforded a gift to a spa oh yeah that would be nice I haven't heard that and then offer her the babysitting well no ask permission ask permission may I please take the bit child or yeah um I would think things like that like nurturing loving I'm sure right now you could just proba yeah massage put

in h well first you need to know the human because I'm thinking some of the women I know that are moms are like don't touch me I don't want no massage right right to me I'm all about the massage I'm like please touch me their favorite snacks yeah exactly things that will cheer them up you know things that you have to get to know the mom and don't forget the mom because it's true like I think

um in different cultures it it's more you know because it's a collective thing and it's all of a sudden it's the child and you're right the Mom feels like a cow breast if they're breastfeeding or just like this whole like oh my goodness this is all I am right and and even checking in right like sometimes we're calling oh how's my grandbaby or how's my NE my niece my nephew yeah okay but how's Mom doing like

I'm still here you know exactly yeah I'm still wow so um you know many moms feel isolated and overwhelmed they do I know I did I did have a good support system I'm very grateful for that um plus I married someone one who had three older children so basically the young the my son had an 11 year difference with the older sister and it was like perfect because she became like the second mom uh in a

way and their relationship's beautiful now that's awesome yeah yeah and so ask you about that yeah I mean so I I I'm a mom of four but I it was the blended family situation like I married a man with three children already and then him and I had ours together but all four of them are mine especially if you're listening you're mine and all those grandkids are mine too but but that being said you know I

still kind of felt isolated and a little bit of you know overwhelm of course and I know it was hormonal and I also was educated I had an early childhood education I was a preschool teacher so you know I read every book I went to Percy white library of Hillsboro and got me a stack of books and Discovery Channel and the books you know but what would you want to say to someone that feels stuck or

unsure how to move forward um I would say that what you're experiencing is something that many moms experienced and that you're not alone um and I know right now it's difficult it's challenging but God gave you this baby because he knew you had what was needed to nurture and care for this baby um and if you have a someone in your life that is you know a safe person that you can speak to just sharing a

little bit about how your feeling can bring some relief having that one go-to person or friend I know for me that helps me I know it helps a lot of the moms that I work with um and so and also reaching out to resources um yeah joining a support group for moms you can be well and you will Thrive right now it's hard but you can and you will yeah I mean we have to remember that

our feelings are temporary though they feel so real and and permanent right when you're going through when you're going through the valley feel you feel like these are things that are will forever be like this and it's not I mean this is why it's really important to learn and educate yourself because when you start learning and understanding that you're not stuck this is why I love all the brain research you were just talking about earlier is

like you're not stuck you have the capability to create new neuron you know rewiring of the brain it does take work though it does you know it's like it's no magic bullet there's no you know you are your own thumb print and God made you so cool like honestly it's just understanding that sometimes we have narratives or stories that have been told to us and to break out of those and you know to me it's important

to have faith I think jesa like I know my faith has got me this far and I'm sounds like it has gotten you uh this far as well and I just you know as we wrap up I would love to know like is there anything else maybe in the in the Bible or in your own faith walk that you would like to share before we end this episode um that's a great question um I think for

me uh one of my my life vers is something that carries me and I think of it and I hold on to it and it says now unto him who's able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we as think or imagine according to the power that works within us so it's like we're partnering with God and so I believe like even as a mom I'm partnering with God one thing one of my friends told me and

she said that when you become a mom it's going to keep you at the feet of Jesus they do they keep you at the feet of Jesus um so just holding on to that truth and holding on to the fact that God will perfect everything that concerns us um it may not be the way that we expected it and that's some that that some of that um feeling stuck is the loss breing the loss of what

you expected or what you thought your pregnany or your birth experience was going to be or what you thought motherhood was going to be and a lot of Mom's exp erience that but remember you're going through this whole like identity shift okay you're questioning or you're you're you're starting to relook at like you know your purpose your life's purpose and your values and the things your legacy what do you want to instill in this child so

give yourself Grace okay you've never been this way before if you're a new mom and if you are a second or third time mom every experience is different so so um give yourself Grace and the space to grow in it yeah that's wonderful love I love that we're going to end it right there how can how can people find you okay sure um I'm on psychology today jesa Michelle I also have an Instagram um that I'm

not on as much but it's sheor empowers with a z okay sheor empowers but Psychology today you can find me all right and all that will be in the show notes people so thank you for listening and remember to always trust in the Lord guard your heart and renew your mind bye and now for the disclaimer to make sure you understand that you are responsible for you the content provided on the holistic counselor podcast is for

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